


Chances and Choices

by kishiswriting



Category: No. 6 (Anime & Manga), No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Love/Hate, M/M, Psychological Drama, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:43:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3598569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishiswriting/pseuds/kishiswriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall of No. 6, Nezumi left Shion with the promise of coming back. After ten years, fate decided to let their paths cross once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I couldn't let go of the idea of them meeting one day after ten years. The idea's been with me for weeks and just have to write it down whatever it takes. As it turns out, we have a very angsty Shion. :D Let me know what you think and ideas you have. I still don't have a concrete plot for these babies but I want them to have a happy ending :D hehehe Also, to those who have read my two one-shots about these two adorable dork, thank you so much!

The fall of No. 6 became both a blessing and a curse to all its inhabitants and had an immense effect to its neighboring places. For one, the crumbling of the Wall meant that division and separation would no longer apply as residents of Chronos, Lost Town, and West Block had to live together. It hadn’t been peaceful in the beginning as everyone started claiming of what was rightfully theirs. The crumbling of the system came as a shock especially to those who depended on the government. It was a saddening sight as people realized that the ideal, perfect city was just a façade to bury its ugliness.

On the other hand, people who have lived their lives under fear and chaos had now attained freedom and had no idea how to use it. Education was a main concern as order and peace wouldn’t come without it. Fixing the once perfect city proved to be a lot of work, but years of advocating for freedom and peace lead them to a new No. 6 – a home to humanity and not robots.

The news of the fall of No. 6 had also reached its neighboring cities, which lead to them creating a stronger bond and connection. Cities such as No. 5 welcomed those who wanted to study not only the sciences but also the arts while others opened their cities for those who wanted to travel and to start a new life. As the years went by, No. 6, now an open city, flourished like never before.

As the sun’s rays hit Shion’s face in the morning, he could not help but smile. It was a genuine smile, a reminder of the hard work they had all done to reach this state. He knew that there were still so many things needed to be done, but his greatest achievement would always be seeing his family, friends, and even strangers display their emotions; raising their voices when they needed to, laughing until they couldn’t breathe, and crying when they were sad -- all with the knowledge that they wouldn’t be punished by showing these in public.

It took them ten years just to see humanity. But as Shion got out of his bed and prepared for his day, he could not help but bite his lower lip into frustration as a pang of sadness, anger, and even emptiness crept its way back into the corner of his heart along all these achievements.

It only meant that Nezumi never showed himself in the past ten years; not even once, not even in the form of a cryptic letter from one of his mice friends.

He knew that Nezumi would never break a promise and he was hopeful, faithfully waiting for the person who captured his heart, for the one who showed him different emotions, the person he truly loved, to return. But, just like any other human being, his hope turned to doubt as the very act of waiting shattered his strong will into pieces until he did not know what to do. It was a tiring pursuit that left him bitter for some time until he felt nothing at all.

* * *

Shion arrived in No. 5 with enough time for him to walk around and admire the city’s splendid structures. After he reached his hotel and placed his luggage away, he immediately went out and headed to the city’s main university.

The university, where Safu was admitted, was a delight to Shion’s eyes. The tall buildings, with their intricate design and shape, showed so much history as it chronicled the city’s progress both in the sciences and arts. It had a large green field that kept students and visitors occupied as they relaxed, played, and studied under the sun’s blazing rays. A multitude of trees provided shade to those same students.

Shion went to the bench near the water fountain of the school. He sat and looked around and felt glad that he was here. He had been longing to take a vacation outside of No. 6 for quite some time and it only happened after ten years. Wanting to witness firsthand the biggest gathering happening in the city once every three years, he specifically visited No. 5 in the summer. It was like a convention, a feast of the arts; painters, photographers, sculptors, as well as writers and actors, went to this event to showcase their talents and masterpieces for the world to enjoy and celebrate. Shion did not know what to expect from such an event, but from the time he had heard of it, he was excited and knew that he had to visit the event at least once. He would not admit it now, but before, he longed to visit the feast with Nezumi; with the man who taught him about arts.

As the sun shyly hid itself behind the horizon, cool shades of purple and dark-blue started creeping in in anticipation of the moon’s arrival. Shion, after an hour or so of wandering and resting, walked towards the city capital to watch the opening show. Clutching to his baby-blue pullover sweater and brown bag on one side, he hurried his way down as his cheeks turned red from the cool mist. He looked down and began to pull his scarf out of his bag when he suddenly bumped straight into someone. Startled, he looked up and stared.

Adorned in a white shirt, black jacket, and maroon scarf was the man Shion had been waiting for for the last ten years. Shion studied the man in front of him as the crowd around him faded into white noise. Hair pulled back in a perfect bun, eyes still sharp and filled with mystery, lips curled into a knowing smirk…

“I never thought that I’d catch you here Shion…in this kind of event,” Nezumi said coolly, but Shion knew the man in front of him so well that he was able to taste the nervousness in Nezumi’s voice.

“Nezumi.”

“I see that you still have the scarf. You could have thrown that ratty thing.”

Shion’s body went rigid. Throw? I waited for ten years and this is all I have from you and you say that to me? Shion thought. He extended his arms towards Nezumi, holding the scarf in his hand. “Here, Nezumi. You can have it back. If you would excuse me, I am in a rush. It is nice seeing you again.” Shion forced back the scarf into Nezumi’s hands and walked past by him. Nezumi’s warm and rough hand clamping down on his arm stopped him short.

“Where are you staying?”

“Why?”

“We need to talk.”

“Why?”

“Stop asking questions and just answer me,” Nezumi growled under his breath.

A cold shudder enveloped Shion’s body as he looked up at Nezumi’s eyes. He was irritated by the statement that led him to remember some memories – him tending Nezumi’s arms, him following the rat when he was talking to Safu before she left No. 6, him following Nezumi when they ran away from No. 6, him begging Nezumi to stay with him. It was always him and even though that there were instances that it was Nezumi who approached him, Shion realized that it had always been him reaching out for Nezumi, pleading for him to stay by his side. He even left his family to be with him.

“If you really want to talk to me, you know where to find me. But I guess it did not matter for ten years. So please excuse me. I need to go,” he said, his voice laced with bitterness and sadness.

He didn’t not know what Nezumi expected from him and vice versa.

He pulled his arm from Nezumi’s hold and walked away from him without waiting for his reply. He would no longer wait, he thought to himself, as tears silently rolled down his cheeks.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Sorry, this chapter is heavily influenced by Whispers of the Heart and Little Prince. :D

Nezumi was stunned by Shion’s sudden refusal and it left him still in the middle of the crowd. He tried to look back to Shion but he couldn't; his body would not move.

His vision became blurry as he remembered Shion’s spiteful gaze. He had seen that look before when Shion defended him from Rikiga and when they had infiltrated the Correctional Facility and killed one of the guards that hurt him. This time, instead of Nezumi’s enemies, the gaze was directed at him and with more intensity.

It crippled his heart and shook every corner of his being that he was the cause of the pain and anger he saw in Shion’s eyes. Nezumi was not stupid to not know why, but he had his reasons -- reasons that stopped him from returning to No. 6 which now backfired on him like a mocking joke from a bored unknown god. He never intended to go back, and even if he did, it would be in a much later time. But the world is cruel.

He gripped the tattered scarf and felt its thin texture – over-worn from too much use. He regained a little composure and tried to walk amidst the sea of people and thought that the scarf was now the reflection of what he did to Shion. Guilt swallowed him as his shoulder hardened, his lungs became void of air, and his throat hoarse as sand.

His own selfish reasons be damned, he wanted his Shion back the way he used to be.

* * *

It was one sickening joke for Shion to see Nezumi after ten long years.

He walked past the crowd and settled in a nearby park where he could get some air away from the dizzying noise of the people. The park was clear as people were now in the capital enjoying the shows and performances. His feet were tired from walking and his breathing uneven as he slumped into one of the empty swings. Shion felt the cold metal against his skin as he wrapped his finger to the chains and leaned his head against it. The sky was glittering thanks to the abundance of the stars tonight but he was not interested. No matter how beautiful the sky now, he could not look at it without seeing the face of Nezumi.

Nezumi was that. He was that star. He was the star that blanketed the boring black sky. He was the star that writers like Shakespeare talked about in their stories. He was an unreachable beautiful star that he longed to touch, that he longed to hold, but just like all stars, they are only meant to be cherished from afar. And adamantly, Shion knew, despite the glamour of the stars above, they were practically dead creatures floating in the sky. He could not help but wondered if he was that kind of a star too.

Shion rose from his seat after an hour of clearing his head. He wanted to go back to the capital and enjoy his vacation regardless if Nezumi was there or not. He was also surprised by his reaction, but he guessed that the feelings he bottled up for years finally found its much needed release.

Shion knew that he loved Nezumi more than anyone else, but right now, the pain was just too much to take. He would have understood the situation better if from the very beginning, Nezumi explained to him that he would no longer see him anymore, but he made a promise with him and then he abandoned him. Shion built his world, as he built No. 6, to the idea that Nezumi would come back to him one day, but as years passed, that hope only turned into a potent poison that weakened him and destroyed him.

That was the thing with making people your home -- you were left nowhere when they suddenly disappeared from your life. You were now reduced to a homeless human being with nothing and no one to return to. You were now lost in your own little world, never to feel safe anymore.

* * *

The capital was high in spirits. People were chattering as they watched the performers on the streets and children were laughing and dancing around with their friends while devouring their ice creams and cotton candies. Colorful lights hung above the streets like piñatas to liven up the street while paintings, drawings, sculptures, and all kinds of artwork turned the common streets into a gallery.

Shion stood in amazement as he witnessed all these. The scene lifted his mood so much that he momentarily forgot the cause of dark thoughts looming on his mind. He spotted a man selling books and he came rushing towards the store. He looked so happy grabbing everything that sparked his interest, which caused the old man let out a small chuckle.

“Young man, slow down! The night is young. Take your time looking around,” the old man said to Shion while chuckling heartily.

A shy smile crept to Shion’s smile and nodded to the old man’s direction. “I know. I am sorry. I just am really happy to see the books you have in your store. ”

“It looks like it,” the man replied while smiling as he sat on his chair behind the table. After a while, Shion grabbed the books he had chosen and placed it on top of the man’s table. As the man the checked and counted the books, a gold rose contained in a glass bell caught Shion’s eyes.

“Sir, are you also selling that one?” Shion pointed his finger to the figurine and looked at the old man.

“Oh, sorry young man but this is not for sale. It’s my lucky charm.” He looked back again to Shion as he held the figurine in his hand and offered it to Shion to have a closer look.

Shion took it and examined it, amazed by the beauty and simplicity of the lone rose trapped in the bell jar. “Sir, if it is okay to ask, how did you acquire it?”

“Ah, it’s a long story, but I guess I’ll just tell you a bit. It was a gift from a special someone whom I haven’t seen for a long time now. I am not sure if she is still alive, but I suppose that after years of not seeing each other, I just learned to accept the fate we had. So ever since then, I told myself that wherever I go I will bring this little charm with me to remind myself that she’s been with me all the time.”

“But doesn’t it make you sad or angry? You haven’t seen her for a long time and you do not even know the reason why?”

A light chuckled escaped the man’s throat and he said, “I was, child. But I love her dearly -- that’s why I endure.”

Shion did not say anything back to the old man as he stared at the golden rose. He felt the eyes of the old man on him briefly before they went back to packing the books Shion bought from him. Shion was lost in his own thoughts that the man had to tap on his shoulder to get his attention.

“Ah, young man, don’t think too much! Here is your bag.”

Shion snapped back to reality and smiled shyly again to the old man while he fished out for his wallet to his bag. He gave the man his money and waited for his change. As soon as he received the change coins, he mumbled his thanks and turned to walk away but was stopped when the old man spoke.

“Ah, I just remembered. Someone who was probably your age stopped by the shop a while ago. He was tall, pale skinned, and his hair tied in a bun. He was not as kind as you but he was a charming lad,” the man chuckled. “He was also interested in my little charm. The funny thing was that he also asked me about my special friend, a question that was slightly different from yours.”

Shion could not believe the things this man in front of him was telling him. It could be Nezumi but... He shook that thought away and convinced himself that it could be anyone. He tried to compose himself but he knew by the way the man was looking at him that he knew who he was talking about. He wouldn’t wanted to know more but he could not kept his curiosity at bay and blurted out, “What did he ask you, sir?”

“He asked me if I was angry or sad when she left me and if, when she returns, will I still accept her.”

“What did you tell him then, sir?”

“The same, my child. I love her dearly, that’s why I could endure the pain, look past the anger, and accept her. I am certain of that.”

Shion tried to smile at the old man and murmured his thanks. He then waved goodbye and walked away from the shop, his thoughts again filled with Nezumi.

* * *

Nezumi tried his best to look for Shion throughout the day whenever he had the time. Nezumi had gotten his fair share of fame and was always requested for his performance. He did try acting when he left No. 6 but did not succeed. Theater performance was restricted to a very small circle and since he was practically an outsider to all, it was impossible for him to land a role that would feed him. What fed him were his side jobs that he’d rather not remember. The things you must do to survive, Nezumi always thought whenever the idea crossed his mind. After a long time of being lost and doing random jobs, he found himself singing, performing in front of the people the best option he could have to start living a life. He was a natural born singer with a voice that so gentle yet strong; it moved people. His soothing and calming voice made him popular to the crowd as well as his mysterious aura. Unbeknownst to others, Nezumi lived alone, away from his home.

Early that night, Nezumi was scheduled to perform at one of the stages across the capital. The idea was to fill the night with music and with different songs coming from the different streets of the capital. Nezumi stepped in front of the stage after the singer prior him performed and started fixing and testing the mic and his guitar. He sat on the high chair provided and adjusted the mic just right below his chin. He changed his clothes from the early morning and now wore a black pull-over, Shion’s scarf around his neck, black distressed jean, and motorcycle boots. His hair, instead of its usual bun, was down. It was covering half of his face while the other side was tucked behind his ear.

Nezumi introduced himself briefly and started strumming his guitar until it sounded coherent and a tune was serenading the people. He opened his mouth and let his voice reach the ears of the people around. Soon enough, the crowd stopped moving to watch him perform, all in awe of the mysterious man in front of them. The crowd gathered and got bigger, even the tenants and sellers stopped what they were doing to watch him perform. As Nezumi watched the vast crowd, he could not help but scan it to search for the person he wanted to see tonight. He kept on searching the sea of people, hoping for a miracle to be granted. After four songs and no Shion in sight, Nezumi grew weary of singing, knowing that the person he would wanted to reach was not here to listen.

Now hopeless, Nezumi strummed the chords for his last song and just like a miracle, a silver haired man popped amidst the crowd and Nezumi knew that he just had to do something to make the man stop and listen to him.

Shion met the lingering gaze Nezumi was giving him. The crowd was becoming restless as Nezumi kept on strumming the same chord yet not moving on to the next. He was surprised to see a crowd this big watching Nezumi to perform but he knew that the raven-haired man was indeed a sight to be seen. Not wanting to cause a scene, Shion turned away from the crowd, away from Nezumi, but froze midway when Nezumi stopped strumming his guitar and spoke.

“I know it’s been ten years and I broke my promise. Forgive me. Will you still dance with me? Will you still kiss me in an attempt to say good night? Or will you tell me again that you find yourself drawn to me and that nothing scares you more than the thought of losing me again?”

Shion looked back and saw Nezumi put down the guitar against his lap, the mic not connected anymore with the stand as Nezumi held it tightly.

Seeing this, Nezumi breathed heavily, closed his eyes, and started humming a familiar tune. As he opened his eyes, he let the words roll out of his tongue and sang the piece he performed when he thought he had lost Shion.

Time passed like a blur in a matter of seconds. The crowd grew still. The street became silent as the voice of Nezumi carried their souls to a quiet place. People stood in admiration as they watched him, but Nezumi didn’t care. All he could see was the man with snow-colored hair looking back at him.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

A single tear ran down Shion’s left cheek before his eyes flooded with tears. He felt himself tremble violently where he stood and cried like his 16-year-old self again for the first time in a very long time. He didn’t care anymore if the books he bought were now lying on the ground nor that his clothes were in disarray. He needed this -- wanted this. Just this moment, without the complexities of logic and morality, all he needed to hear was that he mattered to Nezumi.

All he needed to hear now was his worth to the person he waited for ten years to return, and it was happening. Tears fell non-stop from Shion’s red eyes and his face was flushed from his emotions. The snow-haired man tried to stop the tears but only found himself choking on sobs that refused to be bottled in. He hoped to take in the sight of the beautiful, raven-haired man before him but could not because of his tears and emotions.

He didn’t know how long he had been crying and how long he had been standing there like an idiot until a strong set of arms held him tight and dragged him away from the crowd. He didn’t need to see whose arms were around his body. He didn’t need to see who it was. He just knew. These were the arms that protected him countless time; the arms that gracefully yanked his body to dance around their home; the arms of the man who would not hesitate to hurt and kill someone for his sake. In his arms, Shion was home.

* * *

Nezumi couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Shion standing there in front of him.

He’s here. He stayed, he thought in awe. After a while, when the white-haired man began crying and trembling, he felt his stomach tighten. That was a sight he didn’t want to see again and it made him guiltier because he knew he was the sole reason behind Shion’s vulnerability. He knew then that he would offer his bruised and shattered heart to be beaten again and again into pieces just so Shion could be spared the agony.

Nezumi’s voice cracked. He could not handle anymore what he was seeing and, without thinking, he jumped off the stage and rushed towards Shion. He grabbed him by his arms first and pulled the shaking body into his own. His body shook at the feel of the other man against him, a sudden spark coming to life inside of him. The feel and scent of Shion’s was perfection.

They stayed there for what it felt like an eternity, but at the feel of Shion’s tears, Nezumi knew that they had to move.

* * *

 

Nezumi brought Shion back to the park, away from the crowd and quiet enough. The night was still dark and gloomy but, somehow, it didn’t look heavy at all. It looked calm.

Nezumi guided Shion, arms still around his waist, to the swing. Shion had stopped crying and, tiredly, he leaned his head against the metal railing. He looked up at the man before him and was hoping that this wasn’t a dream -- that Nezumi was really here.

“Shion,” Nezumi whispered.

He was in front of him, Shion thought as his body trembled. The light coming from the moon traced Nezumi’s features and only a truly beautiful person could shine in an environment as dark as this. But no matter how beautiful he looked, how his eyes flickered and shone against the moonlight, or how his lips looked so luscious despite of the cold, Shion could see that Nezumi was afraid.

“Nezumi… Please tell me this is not a dream,” Shion begged in a very small voice.

“A dream can’t drag you out of that packed crowd.”

Shion shook his head at that answer and exhaled. “I suppose, but my dreams…countless dreams of you brought you back to me and I am afraid that this is just one of those. And that I’ll just wake up again and all of a sudden this dream I long to have turns out to be a nightmare.”

“If you don’t believe me, then get up.”

“Why?”

“Because if this is a dream, we shall dance all night with the moon as our witness and the stars our audience. Because only they remember what dreams are made of,” Nezumi said. He stretched out his hand and offered it to Shion, hoping that he would take his hand, hoping that he would take Nezumi back.

Shion grabbed his hand and stood up. Shyly, he put his other hand on Nezumi’s shoulder while Nezumi held his waist. They looked at each other for a moment, unmoving, tracing each other’s faces as if etching it again onto their memories so they would never forget what love looked like. The wind howled and touched their faces as if telling them that it was time to move.

Nezumi started moving to the left, yanking Shion’s body to follow him. They moved together only to the sound of their heartbeat, their eyes not looking away. They moved and twisted their bodies, not caring if they looked stupid or funny. It was a sacred moment; a moment where they could revisit the past, the memories, the day they danced like this without feeling hurt and afraid. They danced the night away with Shion occasionally stepping on Nezumi’s foot while the taller man teased Shion with his eyes.

“Nezumi, why did you leave? Where did you go? I have so many questions. I--”

“This is a dream, Shion. Save the questions for later,” Nezumi teased.

“But what if this is just really a dream and I don’t get to ask you the important questions? That means I wasted this moment.”

Nezumi had to bite his lip to not laugh at Shion. Shion might be considered an adult now, but he just couldn’t shake off the innocence and youthfulness that made him him. Shion wore his heart on his sleeve and was naive as a child. Nezumi missed this side of Shion and the sight of the man all gullible made his cold heart break. Not because of pain, but because of the overwhelming warmth spreading throughout his body.

He was one lucky bastard. He knew it, but not to the extent of receiving love of this kind. Nezumi had to stop suddenly. He let go of Shion’s hand and used his free hand to cup his love’s face. And he kissed him.

It was a chaste kiss. Nothing but a mere touching of their lips. But this one simple act was more than enough.

“Nezumi, is this a goodbye kiss?”

“No.”

“What is it then?”

“This means you can ask me questions later this morning if ever this dream ends.”

“So, this is a good night kiss?”

“Yes. A good night kiss.”

It was a chaste kiss. Nothing but a mere touching of their lips. But this one simple act brought out one truth to them both: they were now home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did try to make it lemony all the way but I couldn't stop the angst. Sorry! I hope you all like it! But seriously, how I wish they just released a spinoff/continuation so that these babies do not haunt me in my sleep. :/

The two strolled down the empty, dim-lit streets of No. 5 towards the hotel where Shion had checked in. Despite of the lack of people on the street, various noises from the capital’s ongoing feast echoed through the empty road.

Hands clasped together, the two entered the establishment and were enveloped by a classical piece being played on the piano nearby. They looked into each other’s eyes and exchanged gentle smiles.

“This could have been a more appropriate place for us to dance. The light, the music, the ambiance… Everything’s right,” Nezumi muttered against Shion’s ear.

Shion blushed and shivered at the sensation of his skin being caressed by Nezumi’s breath. “It’s alright, Nezumi. You were never appropriate to begin with.”

What does he mean by that? Nezumi thought, watching Shion for any sign that the other man was harboring malicious thoughts. He found none, but Shion was rather innocent so Nezumi opted to shake whatever inappropriate thoughts his mind started having at the response.

“What is it?” Shion asked, eyes wide and curious.

There weren’t so many people around save for a few hotel staff stationed to guard the establishment, Nezumi observed. He shifted towards the front of Shion and placed a gentle kiss atop the shorter man’s head. He caressed Shion’s cheek and whispered, “Nothing. Let’s just go to your room.”

The two reached Shion’s room in no time. The room Shion had rented wasn’t anything grand; a simple one-bedroom with minimal furnishing. What caught Nezumi’s interest, however, was the small balcony that overlooked the entire No. 5.

Nezumi took his scarf and jacket and laid both on the bed, making his way towards the balcony. He rested his hands against the cold metal railing as he took in the cool, night breeze, closing his eyes as he felt his long hair dance to the gentle wind. He was at peace for the first time in ten years.

Nezumi was not stupid. He knew that things would not be as sweet as they were right now, but just for today, he wanted to pretend that he had achieved happily ever after. It didn’t have to last long -- it didn’t have to last until tomorrow. He had no expectation except to enjoy this day because finally, after so long, he finally had the courage to face Shion.

Having seen brutality and cruelty at a young age, Nezumi learned early on that happiness was futile. It didn’t last long. Sometimes it was just a mere second or a quiet moment, so he observed and absorbed whatever there was to take. He knew from experience that this was the calm before the storm.

Nezumi’s thoughts were so far away that he didn’t notice Shion beside him lighting a cigarette. Again, this swift movement from the shorter man made Nezumi fear him but what confused Nezumi more was the adult Shion before him.

“I didn’t know you had a liking to such filthy things,” Nezumi remarked while Shion continued to inhale the filth from the stick dangling between his fingers.

Shion blew the smoke from his chest before he looked at Nezumi and offered him the box of cigarettes.

Nezumi shook his head. “I don’t smoke, Shion. You know it’s bad for you,” he said, trying to elicit a reply from the snow-haired man.

Shion tilted his head so he had a full view of the taller man’s lovely face. He hasn’t changed much, Shion thought. He knew that he irritated Nezumi with his smoking but the other man was trying so hard to hide it.

Ten years of separation and it broke them in more ways the two could ever imagine. It was difficult to admit even after all the years that the two had to bear the damage No. 6 brought on them.

“I am fully aware of that fact, Nezumi.”

“It’s bad for you and it kills you. There is no need for you to continue doing that,” Nezumi snapped at the pale-haired man, his voice loud and shaky but firm. He didn’t want to see Shion like this. He didn’t want him to seek relief from unhealthy things, yet, at the back of his mind, he knew that it was his fault and he would forever blame himself for that.

“You sound so concern about my smoking and how it is killing me, but don’t you think that we just choose the things that could kill us? Besides, you did the killing first. This vice of mine is just secondary… More of a relief,” Shion retorted, his eyes full of anger. He put the stick back to his lips and inhaled deep before flicking the butt of cigarette away from the balcony. Shion shifted his body farther from Nezumi as he tried to stop the tears threatening to pour down his cheeks. He didn’t want to cry. He was tired of crying over the same person.

The air between them became tense but immediately changed when Nezumi wrapped his arms around Shion’s waist from the back. He rested his head on the crook of Shion’s neck and inhaled the man’s skin. Despite the fact that Shion just finished smoking, Nezumi could still smell his sweet scent on his exposed skin.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that,” Nezumi whispered.

“I know, but it’s just…frustrating,” Shion sighed and pushed at the arms wrapped around his waist. He turned to face Nezumi and continued, “So many things happened, Nezumi, and I always hoped that you were with me. But you weren’t. You just let me be. I waited for you desperately for the longest time. When I promised myself that I wouldn’t wait for you any longer, you came. I don’t know what to do or to feel. Everything’s frustrating.”

“I know and it’s my fault. But could we just be fine, right now? Can we just stop arguing for tonight? Can we just try to talk about other things? I know you’re afraid, but I promise that I won’t disappear anymore. I’m tired.”

“Why do you not want to talk about us, Nezumi? I don’t understand.”

“Because I’m tired right now and…”

“And what?”

“Never mind, Shion.”

“No, what is it?”

“I’m tired right now and all I want to do is kiss you!” Nezumi yelled, his voice laced with frustration. “After all these years, you still ask so many questions, Shion. You never learn!”

Nezumi grabbed Shion’s face and in one swift movement, Shion’s back was against the cold metal railing, his hands grasping Nezumi’s shirt. Nezumi’s lips crashed against Shion’s. It wasn’t anything like the kisses the two of them shared a while ago -- this was much more passionate; more intense. The way their lips danced together spoke of their need to be together, to be skin to skin.

Shion’s hands pulled tightly on Nezumi’s shirt as if subtlety telling Nezumi that he will never let go of him anymore. Pleased with the action, Nezumi touched the shorter man’s hair, neck, nape, and back, as if trying to embed his love’s features not only to his memory but also to his hands. For Nezumi, everything about Shion fit perfectly in his hands.

The young men stood there, kissing and sucking each other’s lips, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing from the hasty movement. Nezumi’s hand roamed against Shion’s chest and teased the white-haired man when he flicked the hardened nipple of Shion pushing against the shirt, earning him a moan. Nezumi smirked against Shion’s lips and slapped lightly on his arm. Nezumi broke the kiss and laughed while looking down at Shion’s flushed cheeks.

“Nezumi, you’re such a tease!” Shion gasped.

“Didn’t you say I was never appropriate?” Nezumi teased back.

Shion didn’t reply but instead pouted, his shyness creeping in and showing itself on his reddened ears.

“Cute,” Nezumi murmured.

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s just go inside and sleep.” Nezumi grabbed Shion’s hand and walked towards the bedroom.

The two lay together, their hands never letting go of the other, as the sandman lured them to a good night’s sleep.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update 0.0 This is the longest chapter so far and I already cut this chapter into two. :( So, yeah, the next chapter is just the continuation. And I also made a reference to Little Prince in this installment. Thank you for your feedback -- Le Gurl, monster of shadows, and cather316! I appreciate them. So, everyone, I hope you enjoy this chapter~

_Shion saw himself standing in the middle of the balcony; his hands were grasping the railing tight, his eyes were closed. His clothes were wet from the downpour and he was shaking badly from the cold, but none of these mattered to him. He just didn’t care. He felt the rain crawl down his skin, the sound of the rain hitting the ground and railing._

_He opened his eyes and saw Nezumi in front of him, floating in the air and walking away from him. Shion tried calling him to no avail. His throat was dry, tight, and no sound escaped his lips no matter how hard he tried. His tears blended with the rain as he stood there, defeated – not able to reach Nezumi again. As grief enveloped him, he continued to scream Nezumi’s name again and again until his voice cracked; until what could only be heard were sobs from the poor white-haired boy._

Nezumi opened his eyes and witnessed the sunrise peeking in by the balcony of Shion’s hotel room. The sleeping metropolis was cradled by the misty air and by the lulling sounds of birds chirping. Only a handful of people were walking down the streets. It was a great contrast from the deafening noise the city produced just last night.

Sunrise was Nezumi’s favorite part of the day because it taught him the importance of hope. He wasn’t the optimistic type -- he was far from that. But he knew that hope was real. He knew that his hope came in the form of a white-haired boy with a pink snake-scar coiling itself around his face down to his body. His hope was a genius who was able to rebuild No. 6 from the remains of the burned city. He was a charming fellow with a heart of gold, but he would also not bat an eye to kill someone for Nezumi's sake. Sunrise reminded Nezumi of Shion because he knew that he wouldn’t be alive without the other.

Nezumi glanced back to the room watch Shion sleep, a frown marring his face. Earlier, the white-haired man had been thrashing in his sleep and all Nezumi could do was hold him through it because he couldn’t wake him up. And maybe because he was wary of what the other man had been dreaming of. Nezumi looked back to the sky and watched the sun rise, painting the sky in gold, orange, and yellow. He wondered if the Shion lying in bed now was still the one he once knew or had he become like him – an empty shell trying so hard to be the sun to everyone else.

Nezumi was snapped away from his thoughts when he heard sobbing and sniffing coming from inside the room. He turned hurriedly and was brought to a halt at the sight of Shion’s crying face. The snow-haired man was curled into a fetal position while he hugged the pillow which was already wet from his tears. Nezumi’s heart broke to see him like this, the guilt eating at him. Shaking, he approached the younger man and bent down.

“Shion, wake up. It’s morning. Wake up,” he whispered gently against Shion’s ear as he nudged the shorter man’s shoulders. He kissed the man’s forehead and sat beside him, watching and waiting for the younger man to stop crying and to pull away from his dreams.

Everything was a blur. All Shion could hear was his name being called by someone as he opened and closed his eyes to clear his vision. He squinted and focused on the blurry silhouette of Nezumi’s face until it became clear. Without knowing why, he grabbed the raven-haired man’s arm and pulled, shocking the other man in return.

“Shion?”

“Nezumi?”

Nezumi cupped the man’s cheek, tracing the tears that coursed down Shion’s face. “It’s okay. It’s me.”

Shion’s hold loosened slightly as he continued to gaze up at Nezumi’s face. “Are you real?”

Nezumi’s heart broke even more but he covered it by chuckling lightly and bending his head to kiss Shion’s forehead. “Yeah, I am. Get up so we can have breakfast.” Nezumi began to pull back but the hold on his arm remained steady.

“Wait,” Shion whispered, his eyes filled with tears. “I, ah… I just want to say...good morning. I… I’ve been waiting to say this for a long time.” Shion’s face flushed from embarrassment and happiness, but he continued. “I’m just so...happy to see your face in the morning -- just like before. Good morning, Nezumi!” As he got to the other man’s name, a single tear ran down from his right eye, his chest bursting with happiness.

Nezumi’s lips curved into a genuine smile for the first time in ten years. He had missed waking up in the morning with Shion by his side too. Leaning down, he kissed the white-haired man on the lips; a sweet kiss that promised hope just like the rising sun every morning. “Good morning, Shion.”

* * *

 

The two had breakfast at a café near the park. It was a quaint, shabby place tucked between two large trees. Mirror panels served as walls as it let the light pass through and made establishment look bigger than it actually was. It was surrounded by potted plants and flowers, the placement of antique furniture adding to its rustic look while capiz lights illuminated the parts the natural light couldn’t reach.

Nezumi ordered a cup of black coffee, toast, and eggs while Shion ordered fruit tarts and cream puffs along with his coffee. They chose to sit outside just so Shion could smoke after having breakfast. Nezumi didn’t try to argue anymore with Shion just so they could eat in peace.

While eating, Nezumi tried to digest the fact that he had to live with the younger boy’s vice no matter how he despised it -- resented it. If Shion had done this in the past, he would not have stopped nagging the white-haired man, but now, with his guilt was eating him up, he did not ask Shion anymore about his dreams or nightmares. After all, time changes all people.

It didn’t escape Shion’s notice how Nezumi’s look turned spiteful as he puffed and exhaled the smoke from his chest. He knew that Nezumi was doing his best to accept his vice, which he appreciated. He wanted to quit for the longest time but didn’t have the courage to do so. He was successful with the other things he did to cope for the loss except this. The smoke occupied his mind whenever his thoughts were filled with nothing but Nezumi. It became a replacement, an agent to forget and to get dizzy. It was only in this state when his mind was not filled with anything else; to forget Nezumi for at least fifteen minutes.

The two men sat in silence while they munched on their breakfast. It was a silence that made them think of what they could say to another person yet what they couldn’t say in reality. The silence between them was now acting like a barrier that their ten years of separation had created. Besides the occasional small talks, the two wasted their first morning meal catching stolen glimpses of one another as discreetly as they possibly could.

The two hadn’t changed much in ten years except for the obvious signs of aging. Shion noticed that Nezumi had longer and wavier locks than he used to, his face thinner, making his jawline more prominent. His eyes, however, were as beautiful as ever, like a sparkling onyx that had been recently polished, now lacking the same strength it used to have when they were younger. The sharpness in his gaze was softer. It looked as if the fire within had been extinguished. Gazing into Nezumi’s eyes now felt like looking into an abandoned well – dark, hollow, and vacuous. Shion, on the other hand, looked to have improved with age. His white hair wasn’t as white as it used to be. Black strands grew in various parts, making it look like a beautiful salt and pepper combination. The face, though, still appeared youthful and glowing but now chiseled, making it more look masculine. He lost the baby fat around his body and was now thinner and leaner. An hour passed and all they did was to study one another.

It wasn’t the kind of morning they had in mind, but this was also equally satisfying. At least now, they didn’t have to be silent alone. By the time they finished their meal, they weren’t necessarily surprised with the changes physically, but what bore a hole in their minds were the changes in their characters. 

* * *

 

The two left the café and strolled towards the capital. The day was bright but it wasn’t particularly hot as the wind blew a gentle breeze. There weren’t a lot of people in the park; just a few children playing on the playground and adults walking with their pets. The streets where the sellers showcased their works the night before were still there but not as crowded.

As they walked down one familiary street, wandering and pointing at pieces they saw, the old man selling books from the night before spotted and waved at them.

Shion walked hurriedly towards the store, grabbing Nezumi’s without a second thought, making the older man smile in surprise. “Good morning, Mister!” Shion cheerfully greeted.

“Good morning too, young lad. And to you too, charming boy. I had no idea that you two knew each other! What a coincidence!” the old man laughed heartily.

Nezumi smiled at him timidly while Shion continued the conversation. “You opened your shop early,” Shion observed.

“Well, I don’t intend to stay here any longer as I have to catch up to the other festivals,” The old man said. “Besides, a man my age should rest more than work. Don’t you agree?”

“I guess so, sir.”

Shion and the old man chatted a little longer, talking and laughing about arts, while Nezumi stood beside the white-haired man. He was about to interrupt their conversation when he froze at the sight of a man approaching them. It took him a second or two before he shifted his gaze to Shion and arched his eyebrow to indicate that they need to leave now.

Shion gave him a questioning look but saw the glint in Nezumi’s eyes indicating fear. Nodding, he turned to the old man and said, “Sir, it was nice talking to you, but if could excuse us…”

“Oh, no problem. Thank you for stopping by.” The two said their goodbyes hurriedly, but before they could move away, the old man suddenly called out to them.

“Young lads, I am sorry, but please keep these two pins.” The old man grabbed Shion’s hand and placed two golden pins on his palm – one a rose with thorns and the other a little fox.

“Thank you for this, Sir. But what is this?” Shion asked. Nezumi was urging him to move as he looked back and forth the street nervously.

“Well, they’re just something from me for you two. The rose, despite its thorns, is a vulnerable being that needs to be taken care. The fox, though young and wild, must be tamed and be loved truly. That’s it! Take care!” And with that, the old man turned his back on them, whistling as he returned to his shop.

“Ofelia! Ofelia!” the man Nezumi had seen yelled as he drew closer.

Nezumi tried to grab Shion’s arm but was stopped when the man grabbed his shoulder.

“Nezumi?” Shion asked worriedly.

“Just shut your mouth and let me handle this,” Nezumi said quickly under his breath, and, in the next moment instant, he schooled his features and plastered a big smile on his face as he turned to the man.

“Nitori, nice to see you here. What do you want?”

“Oh, Ofelia. You never learn, do you? Is that how you treat people without even greeting them good morning?” Nitori chided. His face was flushed and he reeked of alcohol, looking like he had just crawled out of bed.

“Don’t call me by that name, and if you’re just going to waste my time, excuse me, I need to go,” Nezumi said while gritting on his teeth.

“Ofelia!” the man said once more, smirking, as if contesting Nezumi’s prior warning.

“Don’t.” Nezumi’s eyes glinted dangerously with disdain, his smirk now turned into a scowl.

“You son of a bitch -- is that how you treat your customers!?”

“Former.”

“Ahh, so you don’t deny it? Good thing that you have a lovely face -- you’re a terrible cocksucker for a whore!”

Nezumi didn’t flinch nor did he avert his gaze from the accusations of the drunk man, but what surprised him was that, in no time, Shion was already pulling and twisting the man’s arm behind his back, his other hand holding a knife to the man’s neck.

“You must desperately want to die in broad daylight. A scum like yourself has no right to insult Nezumi,” Shion said, his eyes big, red, and deadly. For the first time in ten years, Nezumi again saw what Shion was capable of when angry. And it scared him.

Gently, he approached the white-haired man as if he was approaching a feral beast, keeping his voice calm and willing the drunk to not make any sudden moves. “Shion, please let him go. Don’t waste your time on him.”

“He insulted you.”

“Just let him go and let’s leave.”

“Brat! It’s not like he’s denying it! He’s a sorry excuse for an ass!” Nitori shouted without a care, yelping in anguish as Shion pressed the knife further, sinking the blade into the man’s dry skin. Blood started to drip against the man’s collar.

“Shion, please stop!” Nezumi begged.

“Open your filthy mouth again and you will find yourself drenched from the pool of your own blood,” Shion said while the man in his hold struggled to get away.

* * *

 

Shaking, Nezumi entered the Shion’s hotel room. He was agitated and his body was trembling as he kept pacing back and forth.

On the other hand, Shion was trembling as well, not in fear, but in anger. He went to the room’s balcony and lit a stick of cigarette. He rested his back against the railing, his body positioned in such a way that he could still see Nezumi inside. He could not understand why Nezumi was acting like this. Nezumi was a born fighter; a survivor. Inukashi even thought of him as a monster -- a demon in disguise. Something must have happened in the past ten years, Shion thought. As he flicked the cigarette away from him, Shion voiced out the only solution he could think of.

“Nezumi, will you go back with me to No. 6? Come home.”

Nezumi suddenly stopped moving at the question and he looked at Shion, yearning evident in his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, I reread Chapter 5 and I saw typos! I'm sorry about that. (-.-) Guess I'll just have to fix them afterwards.

"Nezumi, will you go back with me to No. 6? Come home."

Nezumi suddenly stopped moving at the question as he looked at Shion, yearning evident in his eyes.

It didn't escape Shion's notice how the raven-haired man looked at him in disbelief, eyes wide and mouth gaping, confusing him. Shion knew without a doubt that Nezumi belonged to No. 6 and he belonged to him. Inasmuch as Nezumi denied and despised the city vehemently, Shion knew that the other man couldn't overlook the fact it was where he found his family. Now that he found Nezumi, the next rational thing to do was to ask him to return.

Shion unconsciously stiffened as the incident earlier crossed his mind.Nezumi's eyes then glinted with fear and went blank as the man named Nitori accused him of horrendous things. But what hurt Shion the most was the fact that he didn't deny a single thing and he looked like he didn't even care anymore.

Shion wished that he had just killed the man. He didn't think himself a violent person. He thought himself as one of those few people who lived life to the fullest despite the hardship instead of getting revenge. But something inside of him changed in ten years of being alone. Something darker had awakened in him, amplified whenever Nezumi was in danger. Ironically, it was also at that moment that he understood Nezumi fully – his decisions, actions, and views. But regardless of that, understanding was not enough to wipe away the pain.

Shion walked towards Nezumi, stopping before the man and reaching out to caress his cheeks, fingers running gently across the older man's handsome face. He tiptoed and brought Nezumi's face closer to his as he planted a kiss on the man's forehead and placed his arms around Nezumi's waist. He felt Nezumi's trembling body still from the attention and, after a moment, Nezumi hooked his arm around the smaller man's body, seemingly to bask in the warmth that Shion was emitting.

When was the last time he was touched with this kind of reassuring heat, Nezumi wondered. A small tugged from the hem of his shirt pulled him out of his reverie and he turned his attention to the white-haired man. He caressed Shion's hair slowly. It felt surreal for Nezumi to do such intimate thing and he was grateful for it.

"Nezumi, let me help you. Let's go back to No. 6. Let me kill that man," Shion said softly, his hands still clasped around Nezumi's waist. More than anything, Shion wanted to go home, but he didn't think that he could knowing that a scum like Nitori could hurt his Nezumi again in the future.

Nezumi started at the question, wondering if Shion knew how incongruous his innocent delivery was to the actual question. He dared not look at the white-haired man's eyes, not ready to see the anger. He was tired. He was tired from all the fighting. Softly, he replied, "I am not making you a murderer."

"He hurt you. How could you just accept that?" Shion asked exasperatedly. He untangled his arms from around Nezumi's waist and looked up at the cool, dark orbs of the older man.

"Which part of our little conversation didn't you understand?" Nezumi said.

"Nezumi, those things, those accusations… You can't just-"

"I didn't deny any of it, did I?" Nezumi asked quietly.

Shion had no idea what to say about that. He didn't want to believe any it. He didn't want to accept the idea of Nezumi doing… He shook his head. Nezumi was a proud man that would do anything to stay alive, regardless if it was legal or not, immoral or not. But what pained Shion was Nezumi's reaction. He wasn't proud; he didn't look defiant or self righteous like he did in the past. He just looked…defeated.

Nezumi touched Shion's shoulder when the younger man continued to stare at him without replying. "Shion, when are we going back to No. 6?" Nezumi inquired. He had an idea on what was going through Shion's mind and tried to shake it off. Shame was not his best quality.

"We could leave this afternoon," Shion replied distractedly, a small, thin smile forming on his lips despite what was revealed a while ago. He was still frustrated, but for now, his invitation to go home together was accepted and it meant the entire world to him.

"Alright. I'll just step outside to get some of my things," Nezumi said.

"You have a house here? Let me see!"

"It is not exactly a house, Shion. I just rented a room to sleep."

"But I want to come with you." Shion's lowered his gaze as he tried to hide the fear he knew was in his eyes.

Nezumi paused and shook his head. "If you're thinking that I'm leaving you again, stop it. I'm going back with you to No. 6. Just wait for me here."

Shion took in a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Okay."

Nezumi extended his hand to Shion's face and said, "Relax. Believe me this time when I say that I'm going home with you."

* * *

 

The two young men left sometime around afternoon via plane. It was a two-hour flight. The aircraft wasn't packed yet as the festival had not drawn to a close. Shion did want to stay for the whole duration of the celebration, but this was much more important.

Shion sat by the window and Nezumi to his side. Since it was a two-seater, it gave them the privacy the two craved. Again, they fell into their kind of silence but it didn't stop Shion from confirm vital things for the both of them - things that made Shion mostly hot and bothered. As he anxiously listed the questions in his mind, Nezumi laced his fingers with his and smirked at him.

"Spit it out."

"What? I'm not saying anything…yet," Shion replied quickly, garnering him a smile from the older man. "How did you even know that I was going to ask you something?"

Nezumi snickered. "Your face. So, what is it?"

"Have you had other relationships from when you left No. 6? With a man or a woman? Are you still connected with them? Do you still-"

"Easy."

"Sorry."

Nezumi thought the questions over. "Depends on the kind of relationship you're referring to. Which kind?"

"Romantic, I guess."

"None. Outside of that circle, I'll tell you a hundred, maybe. After all, we are beings with ferocious needs."

""Y-Yeah... Man or woman?"

"I do not discriminate."

"Of course." Shion drew silent after this.

Nezumi was quick to see the change in the young man's demeanor and added softly, "I have never loved someone, Shion. Not in the way that I love you."

Shion looked up at him, his face was flushed. After a while, he smiled and softly replied, "I'm the same, Nezumi. It's only you."

* * *

The flight was smooth and fast. On their way to what used to be Lost town, where Shion lived, Nezumi noticed that there were very few roaming bots scattered around the city guarding the people. Sky-high buildings were bountiful; establishments and all sorts of shops flourished the perfect city. Despite of the technological progress that was achieved in the span of ten years, they had preserved and rebuilt the suburban area worthy to be called home for most of its inhabitants. It was well-constructed and –planned. There were also small-time businesses nearby and government facilities such as health clinics, parks, and schools. Though there were still poor and struggling families, the percentage was almost zero compared to their lives back in West block.

Nezumi noticed a park in the middle of the community where Shion belonged and took in the children enjoying their play time. Lamp posts were already lit by the time they arrived in No. 6 and Nezumi noticed the silhouette of the perfect city against the golden sky, akin to the time he had left Shion. Now, the memory was being replaced with the present, and it filled him with hope.

Shion ushered him down a familiar street and Nezumi was surprised to see that Karan's bakery still occupied its original space, although the store was now a three story building and looking like it was very well maintained.

They took the stairs beside it and opened the door that led to Shion's house. It was, of course, fully automated, as most homes and establishments were. The electricity turned on as soon as the machine scanned Shion's eye and voice. Shion ushered Nezumi inside and the taller man took in the modest living room. A single black couch, an entertainment system, and built-in bookshelves attached on the other side of the wall. The wall was painted in white accented with grey. Down the the main room was a small dining area and a kitchen aisle separating one from the main kitchen area. On its side was a spiral staircase leading up and down the house. It faced a small sitting area against a glass panel.

"You rebuilt No. 6 from the ashes and you opted to have a simple house," Nezumi teased Shion who was now preparing some tea in the kitchen. Nezumi stood in front of the library and whistled, impressed by the collection.

"I am a simple man, Nezumi. I don't really need much. In fact, this is already too much for me," Shion chuckled.

Nezumi's attention was caught by the only picture frame on the bookshelf. Carefully, he asked, "Where's Karan?"

After a beat, Shion replied softly, "Mother's been dead for five years now." "I'm sorry to hear that."

"There is no need to apologize. By the way, Inukashi helps me with the bakery. I'll ask her to come by soon," Shion said as he turned the stove off.

The raven-haired man stiffened but was able to hide the tension in his shoulders smoothly. He walked towards the kitchen area and sat down on one of the chairs, watching Shion pour tea to their cups. It was only then that he noticed the scars along Shion's arms when he lifted his shirt so that he wouldn't get his sleeves dirtied. Faint scar lines decorated the man's arm.

"What happened to your arms?" Nezumi asked calmly, though his eyes shone with barely controlled anger.

Shion froze in his position before quickly placing on his blank facade. "Don't mind it, Nezumi."

"Did you do it to yourself?" Shion finished pouring the tea and placed the cup in front of Nezumi.

"Yes," he answered simply.

"Why?"

"Funny you should ask," Shion answered sharply.

Nezumi looked at him, shocked at the sudden change in tone.

Shion shook his head and sighed tiredly. "Please, just drop it. It's in the past. There's no need for you to worry anymore. Can we just enjoy our tea without arguing? We're both tired from the trip."

Nezumi reached for his cup of tea in silence. Day one in No. 6 and already there was so much tension between them. He wondered if things were going to get better...or worse.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and a little boring as it gives us a glimpse into their domestic life. (domestic life -- hihi) Treat this as breather. After this, everything is going down. :D *evil laugh*

Days turned to into weeks. As the sun rose and set, it became clear to the two young men that everything was now different – from the words they chose to say to one another to how they conducted themselves in each other’s presence. Every little thing they knew in the past was now only an echo they heard from time to time.

The two were now strangers to one another.

The two opted not to ask each other anything in relation to the past; queries that were deemed much too personal or queries that would result in an argument. They were mature enough to grasp that the two were treading on a very thin surface of ice and it hit them hard to realize that it would take all the walls and all the lies they had built in the past years to crash down for them to be ready to go on this new journey together. Yet, despite knowing this, the two men remained stoic to a doom they knew was coming.

Shion chose to continue with his life the way it had been for the past ten years even though it wasn’t what he wanted. His Nezumi was here with him at long last -- living with him, eating with him, sleeping beside him, and yet it seemed like they were still far apart. This fact filled him with happiness, but his mind continued to betray him – reminding him every time of his sufferings and of missing answers and explanations.

It filled him with anger, making him reach for the packet of cigarette in his pocket and smoke his dilemma away, much to his annoyance. He thought of quitting, but it proved difficult to do. He tried to hide it from Nezumi but to no avail. The man was too observant. (Un)fortunately, Shion noticed that Nezumi would just turn a blind eye to it, not commenting anymore.

There were times when he saw Nezumi’s thoughts bring him to a place unknown. His eyes would become blank as he stared up at the sky and it pained Shion how a beautiful set of black eyes lost its fire. Other times, he would catch Nezumi playing with his guitar and singing softly. With his eyes closed, Nezumi filled the house with his beautiful melodies, and it saddened Shion all the same because the voice now sounded haunting and haunted.

He wanted to talk to him so badly, but couldn’t. He knew that once he asked, Nezumi would also ask him about the cuts he had in his arms -- the vice he couldn’t let go, and the many self-destructing things he did to cope. He wasn’t as naïve as he used to be and it scared him to let Nezumi know that he had changed. Even his friends and the rest of the people of No. 6 still thought him to be the same Shion of the past. But no one would stay ignorant and innocent after witnessing the city fall. Bit by bit, he learned to hide his feelings, his thoughts, and emotions from everyone for him to be able to rebuild No. 6.

It would be a lie to say that Shion wasn’t happy right now. No matter how evident the differences between them, he was grateful to be with Nezumi and to witness, from time to time, bits and pieces of happiness along the way. There were days when Shion went to the capital and, on his way back home, when Shion passed by the park, he would find Nezumi sitting on one of the benches reading a book by Shakespeare. Sometimes, he would join the raven-haired man and they would just sit there quietly, their hands laced as they watched the sunset. Other times, when he spent his days making the bread and pastries at the back of the bakery, Nezumi would stand by his side and help him. Nezumi would even surprise him by cooking dinner once he got home or when the older man would just welcome him home. It warmed Shion’s heart to come home to someone welcoming back. More importantly, to someone to share a bed with. The first time they arrived in No. 6, Shion gave Nezumi the spare bedroom that was once occupied by his mother, but since they ended up staying at Shion’s room that night and Nezumi slept there too, it became a silent agreement for them to share the bed every night. 

Nezumi, most of the time, was tired and nervous. He noticed that Shion had stopped asking him questions about his life in the past. However, he himself could not voice his own questions. Instead, he would excuse himself and head to the balcony to smoke. It didn’t escape Nezumi’s notice that the white-haired man was smoking more than his usual intake when they were in No. 5.  He wanted to snatch the killing stick between the younger man’s finger and throw it, but guilt always found a way in, stopping him. Nezumi knew that the younger man had been through so much; from waiting for a good-for-nothing man like himself to rebuilding the perfect city. It was impossible not to change. It was impossible to stay indifferent and naïve. If only he had stayed Shion wouldn’t have needed to shoulder it all. He wouldn’t have to be like this, and Nezumi blamed himself for every little suffering that Shion went through for No. 6 and for him. 

There was no night that spared Shion from his nightmare and Nezumi witnessed this everytime. The lithe body next to him would stir and disturb their peaceful night with his sobbing, so much so that it felt like Nezumi’s heart was being pinned by a thousand of needles at the same time. The worst were the nights when the younger man would plead in his dream, saying variations of phrases like “Please, don’t go” or “Please don’t leave me”. Shion was difficult to wake up and Nezumi could only hold the younger man close and sing him lullabies in the hopes that it would calm him. How had Shion survived all these years without him or anyone by his side? When he was not at the park waiting for Shion, Nezumi made it a point to be at their house before the younger man arrived back from the capital. He would wait for him at the main room so that he could easily be seen. He wanted no repeat of what happened earlier when Shion thought he was not in the house, his voice screaming in fear, looking for him. He was down at the bake shop that time, preparing the bread and ingredients for Shion’s pastries when he heard him screaming. Nezumi rushed up and saw the younger man, his skin pasty white, his eyes red and deadly. It took him minutes to calm the younger man.

He wanted to know everything. He wanted to ask him how he rebuilt No. 6, what happened to him after he left, and how he felt when his mother died. He was concerned when Shion had his nightmares and about his cuts. He was curious as to how many books Shion had read in the past ten years and which one was his favorite. Nezumi wanted to ask so many things yet couldn’t, because he wasn’t ready to reciprocate. There were times when he wanted to say everything there was to say and revealed every secret and lie he hid, but the memories flooded him and filled him with shame.

He was a coward for not staying with Shion. He was a selfish man for leaving Shion. He was shameless. He was dirty. He was a monster. And above everything, how could he explain to Shion that he felt dead inside when No. 6 burned down? How would he explain the feeling of emptiness he felt when the destruction of No. 6 finally happened? How would he explain that the only driving force he had back then was destroying No. 6 and, when that had happened, he didn’t know what to do anymore?

Despite the heavy air between the two, they made it a point to share what they could share about themselves to one another. And those precious moments made Nezumi happy because he knew his decision to come back was worth it. He wanted again to be the man worthy of protecting Shion, not because he was weak -- in fact, he was the opposite -- but because he wanted to. He wanted to be by his side and wanted him to be the person next to him when he was scared, tired, and sad. He wanted to bring him comfort. He wanted to show him that he can be trusted again.

On his first week at No. 6, he told Shion that he would need to work. At first, Shion didn’t agree, telling him that what he was earning from the capital and the bake shop were enough to sustain them. He explained to Shion his reasons and, at the back of his mind, he thought that if he really wanted to be the man worthy of Shion, he should at least start earning for their future. He knew that Shion had more than enough, but he wanted more for Shion. Shion’s refusal had nothing to do with money but with his insecurity that Nezumi might leave him again and Nezumi knew this. He promised Shion that he wouldn’t. Since he was a known actor back then, it was not difficult for Nezumi to return to acting. Other than that, he would sometimes perform at music bars and lounges. 

Bit by bit, when Shion was comfortable with the way Nezumi worked, he started visiting the older man and just watched him perform before the crowd. The first time it happened, Nezumi almost forgot that he was performing in front of a crowd as his reflexes automatically made him move towards Shion. Luckily, as was needed from him at that moment in the play, he laughed and cried at the sight of Shion accepting his decision.

There were also moments at home when he would be surprised to feel Shion’s arms snaking around his waist while he was cooking, or feel content at the good night kisses he would give when Shion went to sleep first. But most of all, what he truly missed was the sleeping face of Shion and the way he stirred when he woke up in the morning.

But all good things, built in illusions and unsaid truths, must come to an end.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload. I wasn’t feeling well last week. Anywho, enjoy~

Shion was awake and waiting for the sun to rise. The city was still asleep and even the birds hadn’t started chirping.

At the balcony, he smoked his first cigarette while waiting for Inukashi. He was shirtless, his snake-like scars coiled around his body like a decoration; a bandage of sorts, one leading to memories that would not let him sleep soundly. He used to not care about his scars. In fact, he liked them because he remembered the way Nezumi traced his fingers around them and called them beautiful. They were the only change in him that made Nezumi happy that time and he was proud of them. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered like crazy whenever Nezumi admired his scars, regarding them like they were a precious on Shion’s body. Only when Nezumi left him did Shion begin hiding his scars from other people and from himself. He was not ashamed of them, but looking at his scars reminded him of Nezumi and, once his thoughts were on the older man, he could not but also relieve other painful memories, filling him with bitterness.

However, this morning was different. He had had the confidence to roam around the room and even smoke outside the balcony shirtless. Nezumi was back in his life.

Shion smiled and pictured the raven-haired man still on their bed, sleeping soundly. Shion had made sure not to wake him up since he knew that the man’s sleep was always interrupted by Shion’s nightmares. His eyes looked tired and dark bags were visible under his eyes. Nezumi was a light sleeper and the fact that he didn’t even flinch when Shion got out of the bed meant that he reached his limit. The man needed to rest.

The scheduled delivery of the goods and baking needs he needed for the bakeshop were in a few minutes. Some of the ingredients Shion used for the shop, like the chocolates, were imported from other nearby cities, and since Inukashi was used to dealing with other people and finding good and reliable sources, Shion was certain that his friend would be able to get the materials he needed. Apart from the delivery gig, Inukashi was also busy manning the hotel that used to be a run-down shelter for his dogs and visitors. Upon the restoration of the city, Shion proposed to bring back the hotel to its old glory, making Inukashi the head on this project. It took them a year to finish to the hotel along with other city projects and it was well-received by the community. The hotel was now one of the city’s famous establishments due to the fact that Inukashi’s herd of dogs guarded the hotel day and night, not relying on the bots that roamed the city.

The infamous dog keeper also chose to settle in the same area of what used to be called West Block together with the child Shion found during the Man Hunt. It didn’t occur to Shion to take back the child from Inukashi after the destruction of No. 6, especially when he saw how the dog keeper took care of the baby. Inukashi was reluctant in the beginning, telling Shion that it was a pain in the ass to have a baby, but Shion saw the gentleness and longing in Inukashi’s eyes and told the other man to think that it was like him paying his dead mother respect when his mother picked him up and cared for him like her own child. Inukashi grew silent on that and nodded, not arguing anymore.

Shion heard a vehicle stopping in front of his shop and knew that it was the mini delivery truck of Inukashi. He finished his cigarette and walked to meet with the other man, placing on his white shirt and black cardigan and checking on Nezumi before closing the door behind him. He made his way down the spiral staircase that connected all three levels of his house, including the bakery, and went to the door to open it for Inukashi.

“Mornin’, Shion!” Inukashi greeted as he stepped out of his truck and opened the back portion.

“Good morning to you, Inukashi. Where’s Shion? You didn’t bring him?” Shion asked while he helped pick up the goods inside the truck and transfer them to the cart he had brought out with him.

“Nah. He said he’d say home to wash the dogs, though I know that he’s just playin’ with them,” the dog-keeper huffed, making Shion laugh.

“I’m sure he’s going to try to wash them while playing with them.”

“It was a mistake naming him after you, you know that? He just stays with the dogs the whole day,” Inukashi said, rolling his eyes.

The two took turns bringing the orders inside Shion’s bake shop while the other stayed outside to continue unloading. They worked in comfortable silence, Shion breaking it at times to ask Inukashi about the hotel, the dogs, and the child. Baby Shion was no longer a baby and was already going to elementary school. The child was gentle-hearted and kind despite the fact that three unrelated men basically brought him up. Baby Shion stayed with Inukashi but Shion frequented dropped by Inukashi’s house to play and help him with his studies. Rikiga, on the other hand, brought the young child gifts and toys because of his attachment to the older Shion. He knew that without Shion, the little kid wouldn’t have had survived the Man Hunt.

After an hour of unloading the goods, Shion offered Inukashi to stay for breakfast.

“Inukashi, please go upstairs. I’ll just check the dough for the pastries. It won’t take me long. You can start brewing the coffee,” Shion suggested while the other man climbed the stairs.

Inukashi was in Shion’s kitchen, waiting for the coffee and checking the contents of the fridge, when a voice he knew very well called his name.

“Inukashi, so nice to see you so defenseless in the morning. Where are your dogs?” Nezumi teased darkly.

Inukashi looked back at the man, irritated because of how Nezumi was able to ooze dark humor this time of the day while looking like sleep-deprived man in his shirt and sweats...and his ridiculous bed hair. 

“And where are your rats?” Inukashi snorted back. “So, you’re back.” The dog-keeper stared at him while he sat on one of the high chairs by the kitchen island.

Nezumi sneered. “Aren’t you excited to see me? At least now you won’t have to search for me and pay me gold just to sing to your dead dog.”

“Don’t even mention that,” Inukashi growled as he leaned against the kitchen top, his body tight and coiled for a fight, the sound of the coffee machine signaling that the coffee was ready breaking the tension slightly. After a beat, he sighed and told the other man what he had been wanting to say for the longest time. “Nezumi, I hope this is ain’t one of your demonic performances where you just slip out of his life for the nth time like a ghost. You broke the kid.”

The two fell quiet. Nezumi’s eyes looked like daggers as if he was contemplating to kill Inukashi right then and there.

“Don’t look at me like that, rat. You have no right.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about the scars around his arms?” Nezumi’s voice was laced with so much anger and bitterness that he was surprised himself.

“And what were you gonna do? How many times did we meet and how many times did you choose not to show your face to him?”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Nezumi groaned, exasperation evident in his voice.

“You are a demon rat. You changed him; broke him. You had a choice to stay with him just like the rest of us did.” Inukashi’s voice was stern and unforgiving. He knew he was being harsh, but he also knew what the white-haired had man felt all this time. He knew that for Nezumi, Shion was the only person that mattered. Shion made the man vulnerable, susceptible to emotions and feelings, and made him human. Caring for another person was a mistake, a weakness, and a burden. And when that happened, you had to do everything to protect the person you cared for. This was Inukashi’s belief and he understood it very well when he learned to love his own child Shion. This was the reason why he was working his damn best. But what pissed him the most was Nezumi was able to leave Shion, even after the man reciprocated the love he had for him and everything. Only a monster could do that.

“Does he know about my meetings with you?”

“No,” Inukashi said in a clipped voice. He was about to say something when he saw a familiar figure standing frozen by the staircase.

“Shion,” he whispered.

Nezumi turned his head fast to where Shion was standing. It looked like the blood in the white-haired man’s body had been drained from him, leaving him a shaking and angry husk of a person. Nezumi cursed himself. How could he not have heard Shion come up? 

“Shion, calm down. Don’t snap,” Nezumi whispered in the most gentle voice he could muster. Inukashi stayed frozen as well, too afraid to even move because he never saw Shion like this.

“Is that all you are going to say to me, Nezumi? Don’t snap?” 

Nezumi walked towards Shion but stopped when the white-haired man shouted at him, “Don’t you dare take another step towards me!” Tears clouded in his eyes and anger oozed out of Shion, making Nezumi want to touch him even more. 

“For the past ten years, you were meeting with Inukashi, drifting in and out of No. 6, yet you didn’t even come to see me. You sing for his dogs but you couldn’t even spare me a glance? How could you be so cruel?”

“Shion, please…”

“Have you met Shion too? Inukashi’s child?” Shion’s voice was low and dangerous. 

“Yes,” Nezumi sighed.

“I bet Rikiga knows about this too.”

Nezumi tried to look away. He could not stomach the way Shion was looking at him right now. He could not lie anymore to save his face. After all, he was failing miserably right now. If this was a performance on stage, this was what he called a disaster.

The three just stood there, not moving and not saying anything anymore. The tense silence was broken when a sob broke free from the white-haired man. Shion could not look at Nezumi because of how hurt he was feeling right now, the same way Nezumi could not spare the man a single glance because of his guilt and shame. Shion mustered all the strength he had and tried to move his feet to go down the shop and escape whatever hell this was.

“Shion, please don’t leave,” Nezumi breathed.

“Just how many secrets are you hiding from me, Nezumi?” Shion asked brokenly.

Nezumi’s eyes grew large. He didn’t know what to say. Shion waited for him to answer, to make up a lie, to creatively not answer his question. He knew it was stupid of him to expect that kind of answer but, somehow, he needed it so he could still hold onto his heart and believe that they could be together. Even after all this time. He waited for an excuse he was ready to hear but only the silence grew thicker.

This was not the answer he wanted.

“Until you can tell me everything, Nezumi, please fuck off.” With that, Shion went down to his bakery until only the sound of a door banging shut could be heard from upstairs.

It was the first time Shion threatened him with a curse. For some odd reason, Nezumi remembered the time when Shion attempted to give him a goodbye kiss. He remembered how his heart had swelled, how his throat had gone dry, and how his knuckles turned white from betrayal. It was the first time he had also cried because of Shion.

It was the first time he felt a pang of pain, a pain very different from every other kind -- the pain of someone you love leaving you. It was as if your heart wanted to jump out of your ribcage because of there being too much of everything flooding into it, not caring anymore if it would survive or not. It was the kind of pain that left the deepest and most fatal of scars.

His thoughts turned to the many times he had left Shion behind. How the innocent man would just swallow what he was feeling and hoped for the day he would see him again.

But now, seeing Shion walk away from him, the only thought that filled his mind was this:

_Ah… So this is what Shion felt all this time._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there are still debates of Inukashi’s gender, but for the sake of this fic, I decided that Inukashi was a man. And I told you chapter 7 was a breather! Thank you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for uploading just now. Thank you so much for being patient!

"When I thought you couldn't get stupider," Inukashi quipped after a while.

Nezumi was shocked. Without knowing why, he robotically grabbed an apple from the table and headed towards the staircase, his eyes vacant, his mouth dry.

Inukashi stepped in front of him, forcing him to stop, and said seriously, "I hope you know where to find him, rat. And when you do, you tell him everything. No leaving anything out anymore. Otherwise, you leave him the fuck alone from this point onwards." With that, the dog keeper left the other man to his thoughts and went down. Once he stepped away from the staircase, however, he stopped and release the breath he had been holding.

He thought he knew Shion, but he had no idea that the man was capable of becoming someone menacing. For the past ten years, Inukashi thought that he had seen all the faces the white-haired man could make. No doubt that Shion was gentle and kind and innocent, but the airhead had one hell of a head on him. He was not the scheming sort; more crafty, like a fox, and a genius whose braincells worked a hundred times better than the average person. Inukashi had seen the man when he was serious, concerned, or happy. He also saw Shion at his worst and that was, for him, a memory he would not rather visit again. He remembered how shocked he was when he saw Shion smoke for the first time and how he tried to hide the scars around his arms. He had wanted to ask but was afraid. He had a good hunch of what the younger man's answer would be and he'd rather not confirm it. From that moment, he saw a different kind of man before him – one that was an empty shell. And now, after witnessing how a good-hearted man could turn into someone lethal, he just couldn't help but blame Nezumi even more. Looking back, he realized that it wasn't No. 6 that broke Shion; it was Nezumi.

After a moment, Inukashi shook his head and walked back to his truck. He hoped that Shion would come to his house, but he knew that there was only one place Shion turned to whenever he needed to be alone, and it wasn't him.

* * *

Shion stormed out of his shop, not caring anymore. He was tired from being betrayed time and time again. He had his flaws, he knew that. Shion knew that when Nezumi had asked him to choose between No. 6 and him, Nezumi was already testing him as to how far he would go for the raven-haired man. He understood very well that part of Nezumi's abrupt departure was because he couldn't give an answer that would satisfy the other man. He was young, he was an idealist, he was greedy for wanting to have both No. 6 and Nezumi and that was one of the reasons why he kept on waiting for the other man to return. By not choosing, he had actually made his decision. He had wanted Nezumi to make the decision for both of them.

This was not the outcome he had wanted.

Shion arrived at what used to be Western District in no time, his mind still clouded with rage. Despite the reformation of the city, some of the places in the Western District remained the same minus the garbage. He briskly walked along the stone pavement, not noticing the children playing on the field and the ridiculously bright morning sun that greeted him. He turned right and saw the shadows of the remains of broken brick walls. Making his way through them until he had reached the bottom, he easily nudged a single brick from a wall that was actually a door. It opened and revealed a short flight of stairs going down. He walked down through it and stopped at the all-too-familiar door on his left side. As he opened it, memories of what transpired 10 years ago greeted him like an old friend, the smell of hundreds of books tickling his nose, and the sight of the single bed, sofa, and portable stove welcoming him.

Finally, he was home.

* * *

 

Nezumi's mind was blank. He didn't know when he had moved from the kitchen to the sofa. His brain kept on replaying scene that had happened a while ago.  _What happened to your sneakiness? Your cunningness? Did you save yourself and Shion by your decision?_  These questions kept on popping in and out of his mind until tears ran down his cheeks. The self control he was so proud of left him like a ghost, making him feel so vulnerable. It felt like he was mourning. For the nth time, he had failed to protect the person he loved. He only had himself to blame.

He knew that the day would come when he'd need to tell Shion everything. Shion had come to learn one of his many secrets in the sickest way possible. As seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours, Nezumi thought of Inukashi's words and felt like running away again, to vanish just as he had done ten years ago. But running from his problems wouldn't solve anything. Instead, it'd create more monsters and demons.

Shion deserved to know the truth.

Nezumi's knees went wobbly and his skin paled to white, the fear eating at him but his resolve not wavering in the least. It would take a miracle for Shion to accept him, but that was a shot in the void he was willing to take.

He changed his clothes and combed his hair as if this was his last performance – the climax of the play where he was to search for Shion and fulfill the audience's expectation of a happy ending.

But he knew this story very well. He knew where to find Shion and he knew that this story was a tragedy.

The trip to the outskirts of the city was a short one. There were no sewage tunnels to swim through nor were there any security areas to bypass. The eradication of the wall eased the transportation between all districts, thanks to a certain white-haired man who believed that unity was possible despite the chaos.

Nezumi walked through familiar streets, not surprised at the changes as it wasn't his first time here, but what made his heart palpitate and his hands tremble was the familiar path, the familiar walk towards his home. He never visited the place in the past because he was afraid of what could have been on the side of the door that was now separating him from Shion. He committed to his memory how Shion would express wanting to go back to this place after destruction of No. 6.  _I want to go back to that place and eat and read Shakespeare with Hamlet_ , Shion had told him numerous times before.

Nezumi mustered all the strength he had and opened the door.

Memories from 10 years ago greeted him like an old friend, the smell of hundreds of books tickling his nose, and the sight of the single bed, sofa, and portable stove welcoming him. More than that, the sight of the white-haired man made his heart leap.

Finally, he was home.

But looking at Shion now, Nezumi realized that the man was lying naked on their bed, his hair messy and his red marks displayed proudly. The bed was not made and the sheets were messy. Only an idiot would not think twice of the smell that permeated the room. It was suffocating. Unwanted images flashed through his mind and his feelings of guilt and shame were readily replaced by anger and jealousy.

"What the hell is this Shion? What the fucking hell is your problem?" He slammed the door close behind him and walked inside the room.

Surprised by the sudden appearance of the black-haired man, Shion snapped out of his daze only when the cigarette butt dangling between his fingers fell on his skin and burned him. Shion hissed at the pain but what angered him was Nezumi's accusing tone. Coldly, Shion glared at the other man. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't ask me that, Shion. What the fuck is this? Put on some clothes," Nezumi growled as he picked up and threw the clothes lying on the floor to Shion.

"I don't need to hear this from you. Don't act as if you have no idea what happened here. You know. I'm human. I crave for someone's touch - something more than kissing," Shion said calmly as shame filled his stomach. He could not look at the man. His fingers were shakily buttoning his shirt close when a slap landed on his cheeks, startling him. "What was that for!?"

"Do you want me to whore myself to you? Is that what you want? Is that what you're implying?" Nezumi shouted. He was so flabbergasted by what was the other man telling him. In his mind, Shion was this innocent boy, not this perverted creature. That was supposed to be him and this man in front of him, glowing from pleasure and pain, was not the Shion he had left behind.

Shion's fingers stilled as the air between them froze. "That's what you are though, right?"

Pure, unfiltered pain. He was rendered speechless at the question and it made him feel dirty, ashamed, and unworthy. The things he had done in the past to survive was now drowned by the disgust he saw in Shion's eyes. Defeated, his body staggered towards the sofa as a hoarse voice left his mouth. "Yes... I am. More than that, I am a murderer, a thief, and a monster."

Indeed, this was a tragedy he wasn't prepared for.

"Do you love me?" Shion asked softly, breaking the silence that was growing thicker every second. He needed to do this, Shion thought to himself. He needed to ask the questions he had been wanting to ask the older man for the longest time. He needed to know if he could still hold on to to…this.

Nezumi didn't say anything and Shion found himself letting it all out. "When you went away, I was confident that you would come back because you never once broke a promise you made to me, but after years of waiting... My faith in you weakened and I start doubting myself and you. I started questioning you and your claim of loving me. Is it love or do you feel indebted to me for saving you?

"You leaving me was the most terrible part of my life. I am not going to deny that I did things to alleviate the pain. I smoke. I have scars around my arms because I needed an outlet for the bitterness, the pain, the anger. I...find release elsewhere. I am not proud of any of these, Nezumi. I am not like you and I knew that you'd hate these things once you've found out about them." Shion chuckled. "Nezumi, I am not blind. I know the things you did in the past and I don't care.

"I love you, Nezumi. I really do. All I am asking from you is honesty… For you to trust me too to be there for you. I want us to be equals. I want to believe that you love me, but with the way things are now, I wonder if you really love me or you just love the idea of me? Of that Shion you knew from the past? Am I hurting you now by destroying the image you once had of me? I want us to be together more than anything in the world, but you are just giving me reasons not to want it and I am tired."

Nezumi stayed silent as he hugged himself. How come ten years of getting away from this situation didn't prepare him for this? How come he still didn't know all the answers. "I'm sorry," he gasped. How come this was all he could say?

As tears filled his eyes, Shion mustered all the strength he had to continue their first and maybe last conversation. "Nezumi, why did you leave me?"

Nezumi remained silent for a while before replying hoarsely, "I felt empty. All my life, all I wanted to do was to destroy the city that killed my family and my clan and when I did…I had no fucking idea what I was going to do with my life."

"Couldn't you have chosen to stay with me? I begged you to stay with me, Nezumi."

"Did you? Because from what I remember, you didn't choose me. You couldn't choose between No. 6 and me. You just had to create a third option so you could have both. I am not blaming you, Shion. You belong to No. 6. Karan, Safu, and everyone you love is from this city. But the truth is that you couldn't risk losing them for me," Nezumi said.

"How can you say that when I stayed with you and chose to be by your side? I lived here with you!"

"But you still went back to them. Shion, I am not mad at you for that. But when I saw the city on fire, I thought to myself, 'Where am I returning to after this?' I had no one. And don't say that I had you because you returned to them at the end of the day."

"You could have lived with me and mom."

"And what, Shion? Be normal? Act like nothing happened? You have no idea of what it feels like growing up with the burden of protecting yourself because you are alone in this damn world. You did not choose me. I was so lost; it felt like the three witches cursed me!" Nezumi forced himself to laugh. "I was so sick of this city!"

"I don't understand anything that you are saying right now, Nezumi. You know that I will always choose you no matter what. I will not regret the fact that I opened that door and let you enter my life."

"And look what happened to us. Will you still do the same thing if you know this is what will happen to us? Wake up, Shion! Jeez!"

"Yes."

"You're crazy. You really are an airhead."

"Nezumi, I never questioned, not even once, your way of thinking because I understand where you are coming from. So please, don't doubt everything that I say. No matter what the circumstances are, I will choose you. I will open that door and help you."

Nezumi wanted to believe Shion so badly, but he just couldn't.

Shion, exhausted and scared, continued to talk. Ten years had passed and they still argued about the same things, with the same stubbornness, and made the same mistakes. "Why did you visit Inukashi? I can understand if you didn't want to return, but you showed your face to him and you not to me? You promised me that you would return to me."

"That man searched for me to sing for his dog. You know how he is…and I needed the money. Shion, I couldn't show myself to you. I couldn't. I couldn't face the man I failed to protect for ten years."

"If that is your reason, then why did you pursue me when we met at No. 5? You could have just brushed me off."

"Because I was guilty of what I did to you. Still am."

"Is that all? You're just feeling guilty?"

Nezumi didn't answer.

"Nezumi, do you love me?"

"I know that I love you…but I don't know, Shion. I really don't know anymore."

"...I guess that's the only answer I'll be getting from you," Shion said brokenly, his soul crushed as a deep, impenetrable darkness descended on his mind and heart, doing its best to drown the other man before him from his memory and life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see that? I left a clue for the next chapter! :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, guys! Thank you for reading the fic. I think we're almost done. Five chapters (more or less) left, one more kick, and we’re done. :D

The thing about making a choice is that you are made to believe that there are always only two options. Its dualistic nature leads us to believe that there are only good and bad, right and wrong, beautiful and ugly, man and woman, heaven and hell, tall and short. The tendency to believe in such notion is problematic and difficult when we are faced with the reality of our situations once things were weighed and the gray areas arise. We then proceed to review our answers based on their pros and cons, their advantages and disadvantages, eliminating human emotions, as if life is a scientific problem that needed to be solved.

In this regard, we consciously think that, between two choices presented before us, there could only be one “right” answer. But what merits rightness or wrongness? What if all choices were right? It is a question that can only be answered once you have already made a choice and you are left wondering the “what if”s in the future. Ironic, isn’t it? Believing that the present determines the future is a fantasy for we all know too well that the present will not and cannot determine the approximate future. To make matters worse, our lives don’t depend only on two options -- there is another option: to not choose.

The choice that brings forth chaos.

Then there is the thing called chance. The possibility, fate, or destiny. In the chaos called life, chance made it unpredictable. It challenged the choices made. It is an uncontrollable factor. It is the reason why our present choices cannot determine our future. One may view it as a disadvantage, a mishap, a foul play made by the gods to play with humans. It could also be our salvation, a salvation that can correct whatever wrong one made in the past.

But no matter how right or wrong our choices are or how we treated the chances thrown at us, what remains is the transcendental power of the will to love.

* * *

Nezumi and Shion went back to the capital quietly. Days have passed since their last conversation and the two spent their time alone and away from each other by either locking themselves in their rooms or by spending the entire day outside the house. Their last confrontation had shocked them to the core as they finally realized and understood that no amount of illusion could bring them back to the way they were. If the red string of fate was true, the red thread was slowly choking them to death.

 The angelic voice of Nezumi that once filled the house with much gaiety no longer echoed along the walls. Instead, an unbearable silence took its place. Most of the time, Nezumi could be found sitting on the bench at the children’s park, his eyes distant and not really seeing anything. Visiting Inukashi didn’t help as he left just as quickly at Inukashi saying his beloved’s name in relation to the young child in the house. Just hearing Shion’s name was enough for him to remember the disgust in the white-haired man’s eyes when he looked at him.

 At night, when Nezumi was left alone in his room, he thought of the day during their infiltration of the Correctional facility and of Shion lying dead in his arms. At that moment, he felt powerless, like his life had ended too. He would never forget that moment despite the fact that all Shion felt for him now was animosity. He knew that he would still hold onto Shion for dear life regardless of the situation. He wasn’t sure if he loved Shion the way Shion wanted to be loved. Fighting for his right to live in this world had taken its toll on him. He had survived, but all he was now was a broken person. But even though he was broken and even if Shion hated him, he chose to stay.

* * *

Tired.

Shion was beyond tired. He refused to act on anything. The surge of his emotions within him for the past few days drove him crazy and his smoking could no longer numb the feelings he had. He felt like exploding every time he thought back to his and Nezumi’s conversation. He had busied himself with work from the capital and the bakery, doing his best to drown himself in his work until his body could no longer move on its own and he shut down.

He wanted to forget everything that happened between them. He had been confident that Nezumi loved him. He believed that Nezumi too would choose this, whatever situation they were in right now, no matter what. But he was wrong. All he had seen in Nezumi’s eyes the day was emptiness. No fire, no passion, no power; just an emptiness that spoke to him more than the words the raven-head man had said: I’m giving up. The memory of those eyes alone brought him to tears as disgust flowed through him. He could no longer do this.

 Inukashi once tried to talk to Shion but to no avail. Neither Shion nor Nezumi wanted to unburden their filth unto the other. It was a trait that pissed him off and had him admiring them at the same time. 

* * *

Shion got up early to report to the Capital and to check on the progress of the ongoing experiments. There were several experiments that were approved as long as it would not lead to the eradication of the human race or trample on their right to live. Sustainability was key.

Branches of science such as biology, neurology, and psychology were treated with extra caution and restriction. The fall of No. 6 caused trauma to a lot of people and it pushed the government to expand their scientific researches of the human brain. Therapies, medications, and even hypnosis helped to alleviate the growing restlessness of the society, yet, for some people, they needed more – some needed to forget. It was a controversial matter that attracted international intervention as it catered to the most delicate and even sensible part of being human: memories.

The controversy subsided after regulating the procedures and the extent of the practice. For one, the procedure cannot be used to falsify one’s memories. The memory should remain intact without the manipulation of the data. It also cannot be used to delete the entire memory. If it will be used to lift data from someone’s memory, only a certain number of years can be visited as to prevent causing further damage. Lastly, only one subject can be erased from the memory of the person. The reason for the last clause was that one’s memory tends to create and connect memories even from one subject only. Erasing two or more memories was not only prohibited but dangerous to one’s health.

This subject was all too familiar with Shion because he saw the onslaught of people wanting their memories erased. Despite of the criticism it received in its early development, the procedure was a success. Patients who had undergone the treatment were no longer experiencing panic attacks or episodes. The only clincher was that these patients felt that there was something missing, something they couldn’t put their finger on. Other than that, these people behaved like normal members of the community.

 The knowledge of this study didn’t sit well with Shion’s beliefs. He used to think that it was beyond justification to delete a part of yourself just because you were hurting. But now, it didn’t feel quite the same. He had gone through the idea for a couple days and even weeks just before his big fight with Nezumi.

Maybe this research was his answer after all.

* * *

Shion left the capital early and headed to his house just in time for dinner. He opened the door and saw Nezumi, his back facing him, cooking dinner for the two of them. Shion stood there and watched how graceful the man was even though he was just doing a simple chore. This might also be the last time he would see him like this. Shion felt nervous at the thought but convinced himself that this was for the best. He could no longer live with the pain.

Shion shut the door and Nezumi flinched at the sound. He turned around to check and, when he saw the white-haired man, his confident stance weakened like a snake recoiling out of fear. 

“Welcome home. I made dinner,” the man said hesitantly, his eyes not meeting Shion.

Shion closed the gap between them and walked towards the table, each step feeling heavier at what he was about to tell Nezumi. “Thank you,” he answered as Nezumi grabbed a plate and piled it with food.

The two said their graces and ate silently albeit hurriedly. As soon as he was done, Nezumi stood and was about to leave the table when he felt a tight grip on his arm. 

“Nezumi, I need to tell you something.” 

The raven-haired man just nodded, his eyes downcast. 

“Today, I went to the capital; to the medical facility, to be exact. You know of my involvement with the research facility, right? I have access to the facilities, the experiments, and all the researches. For the past ten years, we gained a vast amount of knowledge from all these researches, specifically studies that focused on how our brain works and memory. I…”

“Cut the crap, Shion. What is it?” Nezumi interrupted harshly.

“Why are you looking at me like that? I haven’t even finished,” Shion threw back, his temper rising.

“I’m not stupid. Cut to the chase. You’re talking about the memory-deleting process, right?”

Shion looked at him, bewildered. “Yes… How did you know--?”

“Like I said, I’m not stupid. Do you think I didn’t know what you are so obsessed about for the past 10 years? Spare me,” Nezumi huffed.

“So even that you knew of!,” Shion yelled. He was losing his patience quickly.

“Get to it. Why do you want to talk about that? Are you suggesting something?”

“I want us to undergo the procedure,” Shion said in a clipped voice.

“What?” Nezumi yelled and stood. He pounded his fist against the table, making Shion flinch.

“I want us to undergo the process. I’m not asking you to delete your entire memory of me; just a part. Please.”

“Why? Can you really do this?” Nezumi breathed. This couldn't be happening.

“I’m tired, Nezumi. I want to forget this. All of this.” 

“You want us to delete each other… For what, Shion? For convenience? I know that we aren’t okay now, but you’re asking too damn much.”

“Do you think I didn’t think this through? Please, Nezumi. All I’m asking for is to delete the part when you left so that we won’t be where we are now. We could live together in peace.”

“And what, Shion? I’m not going to live my life that way, pretending like nothing happened just so we could live together peacefully. We don’t need that Shion. Get a hold of yourself. We just need time and we can still salvage our relationship.”

“Time? We need more time? Is 10 years not enough? 10 years have passed and still we don’t know what to do with each other.” Shion exhaled tiredly and pleaded, “I have have enough, Nezumi. I want us to be together, but it’s not possible anymore. I cannot live with you like this. Please do this with me. It’s the only way.”

“Shion, don’t--”

“If you really love me, Nezumi...agree with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t kill me~ Believe me, these babies need a little push. :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews and comments! :D Now, enjoy~

**Chapter 11**

"Is that really what you want?" Nezumi whispered after a tense moment. He tried to conceal the whirlwind of emotions welling up in his stomach as he walked towards the breakfast aisle and surrendered the heavy weight of his body against it. Was this what it felt like to die slowly? He couldn't register anything around him except for the sight of the white-haired man, Shion's plea rending his soul. He had always thought himself a practical man; that he would take any opportunity he could to be with Shion.

He was wrong.

"Do you really want this Shion? Is this the only way for me to prove my love?" he asked hoarsely.

"Yes," the snow-haired man answered in a clipped voice, throat dry and painful. He watched Nezumi and cringed at the sight of tears dampening those gorgeous and hypnotic eyes he fell in love with. He felt worse when the dark-haired man did not lift a hand to hide the tears. He simply stood there and hugged himself like a lost, devastated child.

Without thinking, Shion came closer to him and wiped the tears away. The older man flinched as if he was expecting Shion to strike him, making Shion hold still for a moment before he reached out slowly and cupped Nezumi's face, wiping away the tears. He felt his heart fall at the sight of those sad eyes. He had no idea that his request would lead to this. But, he knew what he wanted and he was going to go through with it, no matter the consequences. After the treatment, they could start living a peaceful life together without the burden, the guilt, the anger, the shame.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" Shion hesitantly asked.

Nezumi felt his body stiffen. After a beat, he managed to reply, "A lot."

Shion held both of Nezumi's hands and kissed the knuckles gently. This was him apologizing for all the hurtful things he had done. This was him saying sorry for forcing the man to agree with this decision. This was him promising them a bright future beyond the darkness. "Thank you."

* * *

The processing of the treatment took a week. Besides the paperwork, what mentally drained the couple were the countless psychological exams they needed to take to prove that they fit to get the said treatment. After that, counselling sessions and seminars of the effects of the procedure and how they would cope after the treatment bombarded them. Ironically though, the week was also their most peaceful so far.

Perhaps this treatment was the right choice for them. It could have been the effect of the countless therapies and counseling sessions that the two had gone to where they could talk to each other about mundane things and look back without getting too emotional. In spite of this, however, they still spent a considerably large amount of time alone from each other. They no longer shared the same room and they refrained from touching each other or showing any kind of romantic affection. The wall dividing them was evidently there and this was the wall that they wanted destroyed as soon as the treatment started.

As days passed, Shion was more and more convinced that this was for the best. He found himself gazing at Nezumi at times when he thought the other man was not looking at him and felt a strong desire to hold Nezumi and kiss him and tell him that whatever they had right now was enough. He missed the caresses and the teasing of the other man. He missed how Nezumi would lose his temper and how cocky he would get. He missed arguing with him. But, more than anything else, he missed the gentle voice that carried him to dreamland while Nezumi wrapped his arms around him. There were a number of times when he considered not going through with the treatment. If things would stay as peaceful as they were now, they no longer had a need for the treatment. But then he remembered how Nezumi kept his heart from him and he decided that he would not risk a lifetime of peace for temporary happiness.

In Nezumi's eyes, Shion's expressions were now gentler and he was smiling more than the first time they had arrived in No. 6. They both no longer argued and the innocent and naïve Shion had returned. Nezumi, despite his earlier reluctance to undergo treatment, kept his mouth shut now. He had no right to voice his objections, not when he could see how happy Shion was now.  _I am an actor_ , he told himself, and he schooled his features in favor of Shion's happiness. Whenever he went to the exams, counselling sessions, and to the therapies prior the treatment, he could feel all his control slipping away and he could feel how fear would occupy the gaps there was to fill.

He could not help but remember his younger self, a fugitive, running away from the authorities who had killed his entire family. In his mind, this was what was happening now, except that now he had agreed to being a prisoner of this horrendous treatment. He didn't want to lose the few, precious memories he had with Shion whether they were good or bad, but if this was the only way to prove to Shion that he loved him, to give the man the happiness he so wanted, to prove his worth to Shion, he would willingly accept the fate of a half-dead man - to become a version of himself that did not hurt Shion.

Even if it was just an illusion, a lie, a version of the truth.

* * *

"I want to go back to our home in West District," Shion said over dinner one night.

Nezumi stopped eating and looked at the white-haired man. "What for?"

"We're not sure if we will still remember that house after the treatment. Most likely, we won't, right?"

"And don't you think it's better to leave it at that?"

"But… We have so many memories there! I… I want to see it before the treatment," Shion said hurriedly. It hit him that the treatment would not only destroy the bad memories they had together but would also delete the good ones, and, even if some of it remained, he might probably wonder about the missing pieces of his memory for the rest of his life. For the first time, he dreaded undergoing the treatment and encountering their new reality.

A cold hand against his cheek snapped him out of his musings and he saw Nezumi smiling at him, although the smile couldn't hide the sadness lurking underneath. "Okay. Let's go back to our home, one last time."

* * *

The two left their house in the capital early in the morning. As soon as they neared their old home, they decided to visit the home of Inukashi, baby Shion, and Inukashi's dogs. After exchanging pleasantries, Shion explained to Inukashi the decision that he and Nezumi had agreed on.

Inukashi was enraged. He tried get a reaction from Nezumi, hoping that the older man would object to this harsh and stupid decision, but to no avail. Nezumi wouldn't meet his eyes. At the end, Inukashi left them to their fate. If these two grown men knew the consequences of what they were about to do and still wanted to go for it, then they were really stupid grown up men.

Shion and Nezumi didn't stay long, both wanting to spend the rest of the day in their old home.

Inukashi made a short show of disappointment. "Tsk! You guys are the worst! You're hurrying your asses off to leave my place when there is also a chance for the two of you to get rid of me, eh? I swear, I'll kill both of you if that happens!" he yelled at them as they said their goodbyes.

Little did they know that another person had been eavesdropping on their conversation.

* * *

"You want me to cook the Three Witches Special, Shion?" Nezumi asked the younger man as they settled down in their old home.

It took a second for Shion to understand what Nezumi was referring to and, when he finally did, the man burst out laughing, tears welling up in his eyes. When he recovered, he slumped his whole body against their sofa; their old, worn-out, dirty, and precious sofa. "That was a good one, Nezumi!" Shion said, chuckling.

"I know," Nezumi quipped, preparing the meal for them both.

As Nezumi turned his back on Shion, the white-haired man closed his eyes and struggled to hold in the tears that wanted to fall down.  _Please don't make this our last time together in this room._

As Nezumi prepared their dinner and Shion checked the old and forgotten books on the shelves, they fell into a comfortable silence; the kind of silence they both had cherished when they were younger; the kind of silence that would make them forget the cruelty of the world outside their little home.

The two ate silently and conversed from time to time. This would be their last dinner together where their memories were intact. The next dinner they will have would be after their operation tomorrow. The first dinner of their future lives that they were not whole-heartedly looking forward to.

"Dance with me, Shion," Nezumi suddenly asked, taking in the other man's dumbfounded expression as he stood up and reached for Shion's hand, dragging the other man up and away from the sofa. "C'mon, Shion. This will be the last time, so make sure you don't step on me, okay?" He positioned them in the center of the room and laced his arms around Shion's waist. The two started to move slowly, finding a rhythm to dance to with the help of Nezumi's humming. The two danced together like idiots, laughing at how bad Shion was no matter how many times Nezumi told him what to do.

As the night progressed, the two began dancing more slowly. Their hearts raced against time.

This wasn't how it should be.

"Nezumi, I'm scared," Shion whispered as he stopped moving and hugged Nezumi instead. Warm tears began to dampen Nezumi's shirt as the younger man confessed his most painful secret.

Nezumi caressed the man's back and sighed. "Don't be."

"Let's not do this, Nezumi. We can stay like this. We don't need the treatment!" Shion begged brokenly. He was crying so hard that it was the only sound echoing throughout the small room. He felt like he was being pulled in all directions at once. He didn't know what to think or feel anymore.

"But this might not last, right? And that treatment was our choice," Nezumi comforted weakly as he kissed the top of Shion's head. Oh, how he wanted to agree with Shion. He wanted to hold the man's face and tell them to fuck this treatment, that they could live a peaceful life without at it. But he couldn't. Not when he knew that Shion's happiness was threatened by this temporary feeling of helplessness they were feeling right now.

Shion shuddered and breathed, "Then...we have no choice."

"No. We don't."

"Please hold me, Nezumi. One last time."

* * *

The two woke up early. They didn't remember what time they went to sleep or how they ended up on the bed after last night. They had prepared for this day and, with heavy hearts, and the reality of their decision was finally upon them.

They ate breakfast, changed their clothes, and prepared for the journey back in silence, both not knowing how they should act towards each other, as if it was death waiting for them and not the treatment they had fought over for the past weeks.

The two ascended the steep staircase and both noticed a familiar man waiting for them at the top. As soon as the two drew closer, the man hurriedly came towards them.

"Ophelia! I've been waiting for you!" the man said. It did look like he had been waiting for them for a long time as dust dirtied his coat.

"What do you want? What the fuck are you doing here, Nitori?" Nezumi hissed. He went in front of Shion, protecting him from the man they had met in No. 5.

"Look what we have here! Still with the weird-looking white-haired cunt. What do you see in him, hmmm? Does he pay good money?" the other man laughed.

"Go to hell. I have no time for you," Nezumi tossed back and turned away from him. He was pissed off that the man had followed him and was currently making Shion slowly lose his temper, the anger in the white-haired man's eyes shining through.

"Don't you turn your back against me, whore!" Nitori yelled and as Nezumi and Shion walked away from him. Nitori lept towards Nezumi and grabbed the raven-haired man by his hair.

Shion saw something silver flash before his eyes as reflected by the sun coming from Nitori's hand, but it slowly registered in his mind that the silver flash had disappeared into Nezumi's body and that all Nitori was holding in his hand was a thick handle.

Never in his life had Shion screamed so loudly.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooops. Made a mistake on Chapter 11. Instead of using the name Nitori, I accidentally wrote Rikiga. Sorry about that. Already fixed it. And I apologize for uploading just now. I wasn’t feeling good last week. Thank you, everyone! Enjoy~
> 
> Lastly, I want to thank you, no6obsessionist for the drawing! Please check it here: https://instagram.com/p/3ElMm6nf5P/?taken-by=otaku.in.paradise.

Never in his life had Shion screamed so loud.

He watched as the strong and elegant body of Nezumi collapsed before him, his long limbs knocking against hard surface, his head slamming against the dirty ground. Everything seemed to pass in a blur – the man pulling Nezumi away, the knife, Nezumi falling down – yet slow enough to capture that the agonizing pain on the raven-haired man’s pale face. 

Shion’s insides twisted at the sight of blood marring the clothes and flowing past the pale fingers of Nezumi. Without a thought, Shion turned to face Nitori and shocked the man by grabbing the silver object he had used on his beloved and jabbing it into the man’s stomach. The anger flowing through his body was a silent wind that fanned the flames of his hatred, every single molecule in him wanting to make the man who hurt his Nezumi disappear.

Releasing his hold on the weapon, he wrapped his fingers around the man’s neck and squeezed hard. He pushed Nitori’s head back and pressed his stomach close to his so that his stomach would push the weapon even deeper.

It’s all my fault, Shion thought. If only he had killed him the first time he had insulted Nezumi. His beloved wouldn’t be… He kept on pushing down and squeezing, his blank eyes taking in the pathetic man’s expressions of desperation and shock. So focused on watching the play of fear on his victim’s face, he didn’t notice that another man had positioned himself behind him and was trying to pull him away from Nitori. It was only when he was slapped hard that he realized who it was.

“Shion! You airhead, listen to me!” Inukashi screamed, his voice loud and raspy while his eyes shone with fear -- fear of Shion.

Shion looked around and saw that behind Inukashi were his dogs, some of them gathered around Nezumi as if to protect him. Seeing the dark red against his loved one’s shirt and hands, Shion gasped and released his hold on Nitori’s neck, grabbing on to the arms of Inukashi instead. “N-Nezumi was stabbed. What do I--!?”

Inukashi struggled to hide the pain he felt from Shion’s hold and said in a rush, “Listen to me, Shion. Bring Nezumi to the hospital now. He was still conscious when we arrived earlier. He’s losing too much blood.” He glanced to his left and stared at the other body lying on the ground and nervously returned his gaze to Shion. “You went berserk, Shion.”

They both took in the dead body of Nitori, his blood spilled liberally around his still form, the gashes and cuts from the weapon sickening, the bones of his neck broken underneath the skin. Shion had shown no mercy. This man would never hurt his Nezumi again.

“I killed him,” Shion breathed in relief. “He deserved to die, Inukashi. He should die a thousand times if possible.”

Inukashi shivered at the too-calm voice. “Oh, God, Shion... Cut the creep, will ya? Hurry and bring Nezumi to the hospital. I’ll take care of…this.” Inukashi was scared, and even his own dogs were feeling that something was off with Shion. Their tails were tucked between their legs and they were whimpering.

Shion was oblivious to it all.

* * *

 

It had been three days since Shion brought Nezumi to the hospital. He was still unconscious but thankfully alive. If Shion had been a bit late, the other man might not have had survived, one of the doctor’s had told him. A part of Nezumi’s lungs was also punctured, endangering the man’s capability to breathe. Despite the fact the Nezumi’s health was no longer in danger, thanks to the advance medical technology that No. 6 was so proud of, Shion couldn’t help but worry. He knew that Nezumi needed all the rest he could get by sleeping, but Shion needed to hear Nezumi’s voice and look into his eyes.

Seeing Nezumi lying in the hospital bed with tubes connected to his body, looking so pale, weak, and defenseless broke Shion’s heart every time. He would sit beside the bed and hold his love’s cold hand all day until he himself fell asleep. The last time he saw Nezumi like this was when they had first met fourteen years ago. Nezumi then was obviously in pain because of the gunshot, he was also running a high fever and starving, yet the unyielding desire to live was there. Right now, Shion couldn’t see it. He couldn’t confirm if the defiance in Nezumi’s eyes, the will to live, was still there in his lover’s beautiful eyes.

Guilt blossomed in his chest every time he looked at the man as he realized the mistake he had made had endangered Nezumi’s life. He remembered the look on Nezumi’s eyes when he learned about his whereabouts for the past ten years, realizing now that what he had seen in Nezumi’s eyes was not Nezumi giving up but what he had projected unto the other man. Of him giving up.

The past three days gave Shion time to evaluate everything that had happened between them. Left mostly alone with his thoughts, he refused to leave Nezumi even if Inukashi and Rikiga offered to take turns watching. If Nezumi woke up, he wanted to be the first person to see Nezumi open those eyes. It almost took Nezumi’s life for him to understand what the other man was telling him through his silence. Despite the turmoil in Nezumi’s heart, he never would have left Shion a second time. In spite of all his uncertainties, he had made the decision to stay.

Shion cringed at the idea of him being overwhelmed by his feelings alone and not even trying to understand where Nezumi was coming from. He had been so focused on his feelings, his pain, his transgressions that he forgot that he wasn’t the only one feeling helpless. It hurt so much when Nezumi left, but he hadn’t thought that Nezumi was also hurt by leaving him; that when Nezumi returned and confessed to him, he was actually asking for pardon. And, instead, Shion went with the memory-deleting treatment as if it was a retribution. As if Nezumi hadn’t suffered enough.

It also took another man’s life to prove to Shion that despite his tenacity to continue the treatment, he couldn’t actually let go of the other man -- in any way. He was so full of himself, of believing that he needed to forget the past to be able to move on. But at what cost? The life of Nezumi? He didn’t regret killing the man who was so obsessed of his Ophelia. If he could just kill all the men who had placed their hands to his beloved, he would.

As the days passed without any sign of Nezumi waking, Shion remembered the day he met the old man selling books in the festival. Remembering the question he had asked the man about his friend. Shion smiled as he remembered him saying that he loved this friend of his so much he was able to look past the pain.

Shion smiled a sad smile. What a sorry excuse for a lover he was. He failed to cover Nezumi’s mistakes with his love. He failed to forgive the man who took all his courage to come back to him regardless if he would still be wanted or not. He failed to endure the pain. He failed to love the present Nezumi and got stuck in the past. And most of all, he failed to make a choice to stay with Nezumi.

As his thoughts lulled him to another restless sleep, Shion prayed silently to whatever god there was to give him another chance to be with Nezumi. One more chance. Just one.

* * *

It wasn’t the sun that was giving off that kind warmth spreading through his body. He tried to search for it; felt the sensations in his body returning as he opened his eyes. His line of vision was blurry as he adjusted his eyesight to his surroundings. Then, he noticed a mop of snow-like hair resting beside his arm and felt his chest lighten.

Shion.

It was Shion’s hand against his that was providing the gentle warmth. He moved his other hand up and caressed the face of the sleeping man. “Shion,” Nezumi rasped, his voice weak and barely audible. The other man didn’t stir. The raven-haired man wiggled the hand Shion was holding and called weakly again, “Shion, wake up.”

This time, the sleeping man stirred, his hair sticking out as he turned his head to look for the source of whatever had brought him away from the darkness.

“Hey,” Nezumi greeted gently.

Shion beamed at him as he jumped up and grabbed hold of Nezumi’s shoulders, pulling the other man close to him. “Nezumi! You’re up! You’re finally up! I’ve missed you so much!” Shion cried as he kissed and and hugged the other man, tears threatening to fall down from his tired eyes.

“Geez, Shion. I wasn’t dead. Don’t squeeze too hard,” Nezumi grouched playfully as he pointed to the tubes still connected to his body.

“Oh! Right! I’m so sorry,” Shion apologized and laughed. “I’m just so happy to see you.”

“Me too, Shion,” the older man said, a small smile gracing his lips as he added, “I missed you too.”

This. These kinds of moments -- brief and momentary -- that always took Shion’s breath away. And it was only with Nezumi that he felt this way.

A caress on his cheeks pulled Shion back from his thoughts.

“Shion, what’re you thinking of?” Nezumi asked.

“I’m just so happy. This feels surreal,” Shion answered, fighting back the tears. “Nezumi, I am so sorry.”

“What the hell, Shion. It should be me saying sorry. I endangered your life. That asshole is trouble.”

“I killed him, Nezumi,” Shion confessed, his eyes trained on the other man and waiting for his reaction.

Nezumi easily schooled his features. “I know. I’m so sorry, Shion. You murdered someone for me.”

“I don’t regret it, Nezumi. Not one bit. You’re alive and that’s what matters. You were unconscious for three days and---” Shion interrupted his own as he blurted out the words he had been meaning to say. “Nezumi, I love you. I, my feelings---”

“Shhhh,” Nezumi soothed, pressing his index against Shion’s lips. “I love you too, Shion.”

And it was during this moment that Shion attained the courage to move forward, close the gap between them, and press his lips against Nezumi’s.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 or 2 chapters left and we’re done, my dear readers! Thank you so much!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Yes, my dear readers -- this is the last chapter (I’m not counting the epilogue I’m contemplating) for this fic. Like all the fans of No. 6, I’m left with the nagging question of what happened to Nezumi and Shion. It’s like an itch I was trying to forget but can’t and, after resisting it for so long, I succumbed to it and wrote the first chapter of this fic without knowing how it would end. That time, I just knew that I needed to get it off my chest until I somehow ended up having a plot (with the help, of course, of my lovely readers) and as we all know, the rest is history. I was able to write 13 chapters about two characters that I love so much.
> 
> CamrytheGreat, thank you for helping me. :*
> 
> Thank you, dear readers. I wrote this to fulfill my own NezumixShion fantasy and along the way, found fellow readers who enjoyed the emotional torture of this fic (C’mon now, aren’t we all masochists when it comes to these two?). :D Happy reading!

“Shion, are you trying to turn me into a roll?” Nezumi grumbled as Shion covered his body with white bandage to ensure that Nezumi’s wounds wouldn’t open again. Exasperated, Nezumi did his best to get off the bed and away from Shion who was doing his best to mummify him. He walked quickly towards the balcony and didn’t pay much attention to the protests of his loved one.

“Nezumi, stay in bed! You don’t want to reopen your wound, do you?” Shion scolded the other man lightly, trying to hide his smile at the very princess-like and childish behavior of the dark-haired man. Mature beyond his age and older than him by few months, Nezumi still couldn’t get rid of his childlike quirks and over-the-top reactions to simple things. Shion found this enchanting. 

“I’m not going back there,” Nezumi called back while clutching his side where the wound was. 

“Come now. The doctor instructed us to do this.”

“He didn’t say anything about turning me into a mummy, Shion!” 

Shion laughed loudly at that. It was a classic Nezumi line and Shion realized that if he had appreciated Nezumi’s dry humor from the onset of their relationship, he would have died merrily laughing at the older man. As  Shion wiped the tears away from his eyes, he dropped the bandage and the scissors onto the bed and held his hands up in the air. “Okay. I give up. Now stop sulking,” he cajoled as he walked towards the other man. 

“I’m not sulking. My wounds are fine. The doctor said to cover them for extra precaution, not to mummify me with that thing!” Nezumi snapped in a whiny tone, looking even more pissed as the words came out of his mouth. 

Shion chuckled as he reached the balcony area and leaned against the screen door. He took in the man before him – with his disheveled hair, his hospital robe barely clinging on to his lithe form, his eyes tired yet alight with fire – and had to admit that Nezumi was a very beautiful man even when weak and sulky. He moved until he stood beside his love and apologized, “I’m sorry for coddling you.” 

“You are! You’re treating me like a doll!” 

Shion laughed at the theatrical response. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Now would you be good and go back to the bed? I don’t want to risk having your wound open up.” 

Nezumi eyed him suspiciously for a moment before nodding. He knew he was being a brat, but he was going nuts in the hospital. But if he could make Shion happy by doing this, he would. After all, he knew where the white-haired man was coming from. He might have smothered the other man as well had the situation been reversed. 

Shion took Nezumi’s fair hand and kissed it. “I love you, Nezumi. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”

Surprised at the sudden declaration, Nezumi tightened his hold on Shion’s hand and replied shakily, “I, I--- There’s no need for you to say sorry. I endangered your life. The one apologizing should be me.” Nezumi caressed Shion’s hand and gave him a gentle smile as he added, “Thank you, Shion. I never thought that Nitori would go that far.” 

At the mention of Nitori’s name, Shion’s frame stiffened and his eyes turned sharp.

Nezumi cupped Shion’s cheek and let his warmth remind the other man that he was here, alive and well, and there was no need for him to get angry over someone that was dead. “He isn’t here. He will never hurt us again,” he reassured his beloved, hoping that his presence would calm the other man. 

Shion closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled deeply to collect himself. When he was calm, he asked, “What was he to you?”

The question was not suppose to surprise Nezumi, but it did. Memories of all the nasty things he did in the past in order to survive sent a wave of disgust through him. If it still disgusted him, it would definitely disgust Shion more.

Resigned, Nezumi motioned to the chair inside the room and walked towards it. He sat and looked up at Shion. After a beat, he replied, “Nitori was a client. He was just like any other client I've had, but he was rather fond of me. Ever since I left you and No. 6, I performed odd jobs. He knew me as Ophelia and he tried to get to know me; showered me with gifts. I didn’t care as long as I got paid. Of course, being an actor is a perfect cover to prostitute oneself.” Nezumi chuckled darkly. “People adore you and people hear things about you and that’s how people talk about you. Desire you, even. Nitori was one of them. He was obsessed with me and spent his money on me until the day I left. I heard that he was searching for me and lost his sorry little brain. That’s why when he saw us in No. 5, I knew that he was gone. Gone, but harmless." 

“But he wasn't harmless,” Shion rebuked.

Nezumi smiled up at him sadly. Shion was oblivious to how he sparked fear unto Inukashi and the dogs and how he killed Nitori. It was enough that Shion had stabbed the man, but what made his bones freeze was how Shion didn’t stop at that and proceeded to take the other man’s breath away, further mutilating the body of Nitori. While the thought of someone killing for you was eerily romantic, he knew that Shion’s extreme reaction was because his life was in danger. 

“Shion, do you regret killing him ?” Nezumi asked quietly. 

“No. I almost lost you, Nezumi. I don’t regret it,” Shion’s calm voice responded.

Nezumi shook his head. “I made you a murderer. Do you realize that?" 

“I don’t regret killing the man. I know what I did and he deserved it.” 

“And if this happens again?” 

“Then I will do it again.”

“Shion, I don’t think you understand what's happening. I can't let you kill other people for me. That's not who you are.” 

“No. I think it is you who doesn't understand. I will always be ready to protect you if anyone threatens to take you away from me. It's as simple as that.” 

Exasperated, Nezumi’s lips quivered as he tried to accept the reality of Shion’s actions. It wasn’t the first time this extremity happened, he thought to himself as the memory of Shion attacking Rikiga after the man had insinuated that he whore himself out or that time in the tower when Shion had killed a guard to protect him. Shion was not aware of the danger of his personality switching to the extreme just for him.

“Why?” was all Nezumi managed to say. 

Shion moved towards Nezumi and sat beside the man. He searched for his pocket and drew out his cigarette and lighter but hesitated as he felt Nezumi’s eyes on him. Instead, he clasped both his hands together. “Because I love you, Nezumi. That’s how simple and easy it is,” Shion said while smiling timidly. “I know you can't understand my reasoning, but that’s how it is for me. It’s not like I don't have an idea of how hot-tempered I get and how my reasoning goes away when it comes to you. I do, but I simply accept that part of me. I even tried to find it on my own through the use of the research facilities, but nothing. Maybe it has something to do with the bee that stung me, but regardless of that, if there is a reason behind my reaction everytime I feel you are threatened or not, I will always choose to protect and avenge you. I will always choose you.” Shion licked his lips nervously as he looked away. He was not the type who would get shy from confessing his feelings but maybe, this time, what he said was the sincerest explanation of how important Nezumi was in his life. The desire was suffocating him, engulfing him like a man drowning in the ocean. He needed to look away to not drown himself further in the abyss called Nezumi. 

The raven-haired man nodded at Shion, expressing his acceptance of how Shion felt for him. He tinkered with the idea that maybe Shion was just exaggerating, that he didn’t know what he was saying, that he was a naïve boy who had no idea of how the world worked, but he hurriedly snatched himself away from that train of thought because he knew his thoughts were all lies. Shion was a grown man capable of sound reasoning. He needed to accept that, just like him, Shion grew up in a world that wasn’t kind. He had seen people die and killed people too. He was a victim of No. 6, just like him.

He lowered his eyes and focused instead on how Shion’s hands shook because of wanting to smoke but not because he was here with him. It dawned on him the number of times Shion offered himself to him and how he kept on refusing him because of his own personal demons. In the past, he just wouldn’t accept Shion’s declaration of love because he felt that he didn’t deserve it. His own insecurities drove him away from Shion. Nezumi wanted to laugh at himself now for thinking that he deserved anything at all. In fact, he still didn’t deserve it no, but what he learned from the past few days was that it wasn’t about entitlement. It all boiled down to love and acceptance. And, for the nth time, Shion was offering him again his heart as his home and who was Nezumi to refuse that? 

“All right,” Nezumi sighed happily. After a while, the older man got up, thinking that he would leave Shion for a while to smoke when he remembered what they were supposed to do the day he was stabbed. He thought of mentioning it but chose not to. He would not ruin this day with some petty concern of his.

“I'm heading back to bed. Come to me after you smoke." 

* * *

“Nezumi, stop moving around so much! Your wound might open!” Shion yelled frantically from the kitchen while preparing a pot of tea.

“You’re exaggerating!” Nezumi shouted back at the snow-haired man as he reached for and took a book at the topmost shelf. It had been three days since the two returned to their home and Shion was cute bordering on annoying for looking after him. Rikiga, Inukashi, and baby Shion had already visited him numerous times, teasing him as always. Nezumi felt relieved knowing that at least the closest friends he had still wanted to be friends with him after all this time. He might not ever say it to them, but he was grateful, not only for himself but also because they took care of Shion while he was away.

Shion interrupted Nezumi’s thoughts when he placed a cup of green tea on the table in front of Nezumi and sat beside him on the couch. “Here you go.”

“Shion, you know that I appreciate what you're doing, but this is too much. You don’t have to treat me like a baby, you know,” Nezumi said, his lips curling into a smirk.

“Well, let’s just say that I'm doing this for myself and not for you,” Shion said back as he tried to hide the way his cheeks were turning pink.

Nezumi eyed the white-haired man with interest. He smiled fondly, knowing that Shion was still the innocent man he once met. He liked that trait of him – the fact that he never lost his childlike quality. Shion might have turned into someone he didn’t expect him to be, considering what the man was capable of doing, but he regained his innocence every time he looked at the world with such purity in his eyes. And, of course, when Shion blushed like a lovestruck girl because of him.

“If it’s not for me then what do you get from doing all this?” Nezumi teased.

“It makes me happy,” Shion answered quietly, this time his ears turning red. 

“Are you sure? You aren’t expecting anything in return?” Nezumi prodded even more. He dropped his voice an octave lower, making Shion gulp.

“Y-Yes...and no,” Shion stuttered.

Nezumi drank his tea and placed the cup on the table after finishing it. He scooted himself closer to Shion and gave his beloved his trademark smirk.

This man, this pure and beautiful man, was indeed the abyss Shion was willing to down in every time. If only he had known pleasure at an early age just like Nezumi, he would at least know how he would explain his attraction towards the other man. Nezumi was beautiful, charismatic, and had grace. None of his temporary lovers ever took his breath away like this.

“Even a kiss?” Nezumi taunted the man further. He was only a few inches away from Shion’s quivering lips, enjoying the tension and how he was making the other man nervous.

“D-Don’t tease me like that!” Shion yelped as he jumped off the couch to give himself space from the other man. He watched Nezumi laugh heartily on the couch and struggled to not stomp his foot. His skin felt too tight. Yes, he wanted to kiss the man, but he was shy. “Nezumi, stop that! You're horrible!”

“C’mon, Shion! I was just teasing you,” Nezumi drawled in between chuckles. He leaned his body back and propped his legs on top of the table. He patted his lap, motioning at Shion. “Come here.”

Shion tugged the sleeves of his white polo shirt as he moved towards Nezumi. The older man had his eyes closed as he hummed a sweet tune. He positioned himself next to Nezumi, placed his head on Nezumi’s lap, his feet dangling over the edge of the sofa, and clasped his hands together. He waited for the other man to pull another trick but he just continued to hum. After a minute or two, Shion relaxed himself and just listened to the man’s soothing voice. Shion didn't remember falling asleep.

* * *

“Wake up, Shion,” Nezumi whispered against his ears, making the white-haired man tingle from the sensation.

As Shion opened his eyes, he saw the image of his lover looking down at him, a smile on his lips. He rubbed his eyes with his hand. “How long have I been sleeping?” Shion asked groggily.

“Well, you’ve been sleeping for more than an hour, princess,” Nezumi quipped.

“I’m not a princess. Sorry, your legs might feeling sore right now.” Shion tried to get up but was stopped when Nezumi grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back down.

“Not really. Just stay like this,” Nezumi answered back, his hand moving to rest itself on top Shion’s clasped hands. He suddenly had a frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Shion inquired. He had seen this look on Nezumi’s face way back in the hospital and did not say a word because he thought that it was just an effect of the medicines.

Nezumi let go of Shion’s hands and ran his hand through his hair instead as he tried to pull his thoughts together. “Shion...What's your plan?”

“What do you mean?”

“The treatment, Shion. You're not gonna drop it like just that because of what happened, are you?” the dark-haired man asked. He wasn’t provoking Shion nor was he questioning him. He was just stating a fact.

“We aren’t going to undergo that treatment.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to and there is no need for us to do so,” Shion stated calmly.

Nezumi felt his brows knit in confusion. Shion looked like and sounded like he had thought about this for a while now. "You really wanted it to happen. If Nitori didn’t show up that day, we could have done it.”

“And that would have been the greatest regret of my life. What’s worse is I might never have realized it even.” 

“There's no need to feel guilty,” Nezumi said quietly. He didn’t want Shion to feel conflicted because he was almost killed. All he wanted was to make Shion happy and, if it meant for the treatment to push through...

“I will not deny the fact that I feel a little guilty, but it’s not just that,” Shion replied.

“Then what is it? You can't just throw your happiness out the window just like that. You told me yourself that that treatment is our chance to be happy, that you can't live life anymore with all the conflicts we’ve had, that everything's too much,” Nezumi reminded.

Shion pushed up from his position and crossed his legs. He looked so calm, something that Nezumi could not comprehend. “I almost lost you. I thought I lost you.” Shion smiled at him sadly. “You might be tired hearing that from me. But I cannot live without you. I’ve thought about us, the treatment, and the past and I realized how wrong I was. I knew that you didn't want that treatment but you agreed, right? You were willing to commit suicide just to keep me happy. You want my happiness so much you’d give up yours.” Shion's eyes were glistening with tears. “I'm a fool. I didn’t realize you were hurting too and I forgot to acknowledge that you returned to me despite of that. And what did it cost me to realize all this? Your life. I don’t want us to undergo the treatment anymore. I don’t want any other version of Nezumi in my life. Who I desire is the one in front of me now. Just you and not a version of you. Please forgive me. Please still love you.”

“Shion, there's no need to ask. I'm yours. You're my home.” Nezumi cupped Shion’s cheeks and caressed them the way he used to. He looked at him with such longing and gratitude that perhaps what happened to him wasn’t bad at all. That almost losing his life was worth it for this moment. Finally, their hearts were one and their flaws, mistakes, and past were all just part of their bond.

Nezumi wanted to open his mouth and thank the man for giving him another chance. He wanted to say a lot of things yet he couldn’t. His heart was beating too fast, making his chest hurt. This was too overwhelming and whatever he couldn't convey into words were said when his lips touched the other man’s.

He kissed Shion earnestly. He tasted the man’s lips as if it was their first time to explore each other’s mouths – slowly and carefully. As they explored, their hands started to roam over each other’s body. Seconds turned to minutes and while the two of them were reluctant to part, they were out of breath.

“You’ve had too much practice, Shion. What the hell have you been doing while I was gone, hmm?” Nezumi growled as he wiped his lips with his forearm. He was huffing for air and beads of sweat were glistening on his forehead.

“Nezumi!” Shion gasped and squirmed as he tried to hide his face. He knew that Nezumi was teasing him but it didn’t stop him from turning red.

“Tell me everything. I wanna know when how you became this sexy.”

“You're really asking me this?” Shion asked, panic evident in his voice.

“I can't let go of the image I saw when you were in our house in West District,” Nezumi prodded.

“It wasn’t serious! I was devastated and you never did anything beyond kissing!” Shion blurted out. He was so embarrassed that it registered late to him what he had just said and covered his mouth. Nezumi, on the other hand, was smirking evilly.

“Oh, so you want something to happen? Why didn’t you ask? I must say that my performance in bed outweighs my performance on stage even,” the dark-haired man said.

“Stop it,” Shion begged as he buried his face into one of the pillows on the couch. It was a mistake to answer back to Nezumi’s taunting.

“Now, Shion, why didn’t you ask me? If kissing wasn’t enough then I would happily perform other things.”

Beyond exhausted and embarrassed, Shion's head snapped up and he blurted, “You never ask me! I thought that maybe you love me but didn't want me to be your partner in bed. I even thought that you might prefer women. Or maybe you find me unattractive!”

Nezumi gazed down at Shion, amused. Oh yes, he was definitely enjoying this. After everything he had been through in the past just by staring at the pale body of Shion and the sexy red snake mark coiling around him, he deserved this. “You could ask me now, Shion.”

“Nezumi!”

“Just ask, Shion. That’s all you need to do.” Nezumi watched his beloved. While he was excited to see Shion like this, he could never forget and forgive the idea that Shion had other men before him. That he had had other men in their house... Good thing that he never saw the man Shion was with or he would have killed him.

“You're really going to make me ask you!” Shion shouted in disbelief. No matter how so much of a genius Shion was, Nezumi was a master of mind games.

Nezumi just smiled at him.

“Fine. Nezumi, could you please sleep with me?” Shion said almost in a whisper. He lowered his head and felt mortified with what he just asked. He thought that the memory-deleting treatment could be very helpful in this kind of situation.

Nezumi smiled at him triumphantly and got up from the couch. He looked like he was about to walk away from Shion when he bent down and kissed Shion on the lips, surprising the other man. He trailed kisses along his cheek until his lips found Shion’s ear. “I’ll make you forget all the men you’ve had in the past and replace them all with me,” Nezumi promised. He then headed upstairs to their bedroom, not looking back at Shion. 

Shion’s mouth dropped open. Nezumi was jealous. Snapping out of his daze, he moved and followed Nezumi upstairs. Never in his life had he been so turned on. 

* * *

Shion blindly reached out for a pillow when a tendril of cool air ran across his naked back. The sun’s warmth was caressing his sated body yet the bed felt too big, too cold. He remembered what happened last night and smiled. No wonder Nitori got crazy. Nezumi was really good.

Shion’s opened his eyes when he realized that Nezumi was not with him. He turned around, thinking that he was behind him, but no. Suddenly, all the good memories of last night were now being replaced by fear and panic that Nezumi was gone.

This time, for good.

Shion hurriedly got up on his bed and picked up the clothes at the foot of their bed.

“Nezumi?” Shion called out, his voice was breaking from panic as he put his clothes on haphazardly. He opened the door of the guest room but all he could see was that the cabinet door was open. Shion turned pale at the sight as panic set in. He slammed the door shut and hurriedly went down the stairs, shouting Nezumi’s name again. The older man was not in their living room nor was he in the bakery.

Shion’s body was shaking. Nezumi wouldn't leave him. He promised he'd stay.

He left the house and was greeted by cold air. People were still asleep and the streets were quiet. He called Nezumi’s name as he walked down the road. He didn’t care if he was waking up everyone. Nezumi was missing. He kept on walking and yelling Nezumi’s name until he reached the playground.

There. The silhouette of the man he thought left him. He ran up to Nezumi, surprising the other man with his sudden appearance.

“Shion? What are you doing here?” Nezumi asked. He was startled to see the man huffing and coughing early in the morning. 

“Why are you here?” Shion asked breathlessly in return. He was trying to catch his breath from his sudden adrenaline rush.

“Watching the sunrise,” Nezumi answered. He looked at Shion’s eyes and saw the fear in the other man’s eyes. “Did... Did you think that I left you?” 

“Nezumi...” 

“I'm not leaving you, Shion. I promised, remember?” 

“Then why didn’t you wake me up? You-- I was so scared!" 

“I'm sorry. It’s still too early. I didn't want to disturb you.”

“I searched for you and you didn't answer! I thought that you left me again. You're never leaving me again, right?” Shion cried. 

“I… I'm sorry for putting you through this. Of course I'm never leaving you. I'll never hurt you again for as long as I live,” Nezumi confessed. Never again. He wouldn’t let his fears and his insecurities hurt Shion again. 

“Don't ever leave me again,” Shion whispered as he reached out and clutched Nezumi’s shirt. “If you want to go, I'll go with you. I'll follow you. It was a mistake to make you leave on your own before. I won't make that mistake again.”

Nezumi closed the gap between them and embraced the other man. He rubbed Shion's back, calming the other man as desperate sobs shook his frail form. After a moment, he pulled back and stared into Shion’s wet eyes.

“I love you, Shion. I promise you, I'll never leave you again. You're my home,” Nezumi declared before sealing their lips in a deep kiss.

The sun blanketed the sky red, orange, and yellow, reminiscent of the sky the day he left Shion ten years ago. But this time, he wasn’t leaving.

Nezumi chose to stay.

 

THE END

 

 


End file.
